do I miss sitting in my oversized chair half asleep watching tv and nursing a huge ever present sweet tea? eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted? unlimited cold Pepsi?

sigh. yes, I do. but....I've only lost 15ish pounds, but something has changed. I feel lighter. sometimes I even feel (dare I say it it?????!!!!!)cute. yeah, I sweat and bitch and whine. sometimes the steps are endless and the Walk fit routines are too hard. and I still drink my one Pepsi a day and eat (smaller) amounts of things I shouldn't. I still click on those miracle just take this pill weight loss methods. but I know deep down inside that I need to change. for myself. I don't look different on the outside, but I feel different on the inside....I've even caught myself buying 2x clothes. because they look like they'll fit. and it's ok to wear a t-shirt that doesn't hang to my mid thighs and blow over my head in a breeze. yeah, I'm still fat. but I don't always see The Circus Fat Lady When I look in the mirror anymore. maybe I'm giving myself grace. accepting who I am. growing into my own skin. still trying to keep it on the down low, not setting myself up for failure if it doesn't all work out. just a continuous journey. cause I've lost weight before. but. I. have. never. ever. ever. maintained. weight. loss. I've probably lost over my current weight in pounds over my lifetime. I am firmly convinced that fat people think differently. and Fat Deb will always be in my mind somewhere. let's just hope she's kind.