Thursday drove to Olathe and went to afternoon matinee and evening performance of Cora's musical.

crashed on couch and got home today in time to take Ann to her appt. Katie was here when I got home, and later Kayla came over for supper. Kevin's birthday.

did the gastric x-ray or whatever it's called today. a scenic hour drive each way.

wasn't as dreadful as I'd imagined. but being a responsible adult just sucks. I was probably better off not knowing. will try to forget all this nonsense until next Wednesday, when I meet with the specialist again and he gives me all the results.

yesterday was an anniversary. and while my sisters posted, I just didn't.

over the last year, I've been keeping my raw feelings a bit closer to the vest. I do not want comments, or FB hugs or prayers. this is my sadness, my pain. it is mine. I don't want to share it. I don't want it publicly acknowledged. not putting it out there. no right. no wrong. just the way I feel. I am 60. fuckin' 60. my own mortality gets closer every day. we're all gonna die. I did a lot of reading. a lot of googling. a lot of sketching. printed out 2 trees of grieving memes. made a case file. researched. made some voodoo dolls. tried to make sense of it all. in the end, it doesn't really matter. ugly cried. bawled. John had an unfortunate accident. nothing can change that. it is sad. it is sad.

yesterday I also picked up Zerelda at Cameron and we had some deep conversations about the importance of reading and how she hates raccoons and would fight one if it came in her room. so, Grandma stayed up half the night making 3 books for her to read when next we meet.

I made a package delivery to the farm today, and played with Miss Izzy a bit. we did puzzles. she put her babies to bed. she washed her face. she used her chair as a slide. girl is just living her best life. she is having some potty success, which is exciting. and really ups her lollipop consumption.

I was having an off day. got my appointment call for tomorrow. had to call hospital billing for an insurance billing lesson. nothing tasted good. after I got home from the farm there was a puking incident. all over myself, but successfully avoided chair and floor. and really, isn't that the best you can hope for?

I am working on another room for The Hotel. it has a line of chairs, portraits, newspapers strewn about, a wardrobe with a creepy Raggedy Andy doll, boxes.....

finally warmed up a bit and the snow is melting. Kevin worked on the tractor. still won't start. he is not discouraged.

last night we went (on opening night!) along with a handful of other random strangers to see The Monkey. (Stephen King short story.)

people die. shit happens. it's no ones fault. it is what it is.

today went to a surprise birthday party at Fernwood Manor. such a beautiful, peaceful building. you can feel the love poured into it. I love talking to Karla, one of the owners who restored it. she got out some paperwork she'd copied at courthouse and passed around. very interesting. she swears it's not haunted, she can debunk everything. she had some hunters just leave recently. like a middle of the night grab your shit and git. some of the boys rooms had padlocks on the doors. I took it as on the OUTSIDE of the doors. there once were doors that divided the boys side and girls side. lots of the now open communal space downstairs was rooms. and the kitchen was in the basement.

the girls came over to play for a few hours today.

I rounded up trash and took it out although they may be running late because of weather. had a couple of lengthy conversations with Coralie and family. so, I 'saw' all my littles today. (insert smiley face here)

paranormal bucket list:

The Aurora Brothel · We Are Officially Open For Bookings!!! 3 Floors of Investigative area roughly 9,000 sq feet. Come and spend an evening with our ladies of the night but try not to make Nick, head of security, mad down in the basement area!! This building is wonderful for new investigators and seasoned as well! The building is starting to wake up so come be one of the first to experience her charm

Located in Historical downtown Aurora Missouri, this beautiful building is known for its prostitution, gambling, bootlegging, and mystery tunnels!!! Come and Witness History Fri-Sun 7pm-7am $150 for a group up to 6 $10 a piece after that Happy Hauntings

5 hours from home.

I had to put on outside clothes and go (shudder) out in the world today.

Rip had a badly needed groom appointment. I visited Mom. then took Ann to her appointment and Izzy and I hung out in the waiting room and colored and played I spy with my little eye and the opposite game. pre-registered by phone for my appt. next week. and pre-paid. they don't screw around with billing these days. wow. I took a chair nap and Kevin, the man who worked all day, made supper. I am such a deal. for real. browsed TikTok and found another video of #thisdollhasseensomethings . August 22, 2021, sitting on top of a speaker in The Auditorium. now how did she get up there? Kevin asked me the other night if I think she's walking around the school or people are moving her. how cool would it be if she COULD walk around the school? for real.

area schools ran 2 hour delay today for temps. just plain called school off for tomorrow, so the girls will come visit when Daddy takes Mommy to her dr. appt. tomorrow. Grandma gets another day in her jamjams!

accomplishments: added up everything for taxes. framed new family Christmas snapshot and hung on wall.

Ann rescheduled her dr appt. today so I put my jammies back on.

I put fresh sheets on the bed and swept AND mopped floors. found a YouTube dude that just drives around theme towns (poverty stricken; almost ghost towns; etc) and makes commentary. kinda fun to watch.

about lost a hand to frost bite yesterday updating Bigfoots attire. removed his jersey, put on his snappy St Patricks Day bowtie, and put ladder back in garage. it was much colder outside than I thought.

area schools cancelled school tomorrow for bitter cold temps.

found another video!

YouTubeAlone @ Haunted Farrar Jay Rittler 4:52 he zooms in on her and announces, "Creepy doll. Creepy doll." 30Sept2019

YouTubeOVERNIGHT in the School of the DEAD! Ghost Children of the Haunted Farrar Elementary School Amy's Crypt July 16 2022. our girl is in the intro....looks like the broken chair in Principals Office....didn't see her in MAIN video...

TikTok Sam. sitting on top of a speaker box in auditorium. 8-22-2021

another Franko Tv YouTube video...Looking for the Shadowman. she is in intro and later on he stumbles onto her sitting on Raggedy Anne's lap in a hallway corner and is startled. he makes a comment about how he'd found them before. how did they scare him again. Aug 31, 2020

Franko Tv TikTok has her sitting on table in Library holding an EMF to see if spirit will knock her over again. 5-21-2021so many comments on this one....(will have to go back and look for comments on the other videos now....)*old dolls shouldn't be touched. *me trying not to blink so I can see doll move. *what kid was runnin arnd w dat kinda doll?? had to be the quiet kid. *I felt like it was looking at me. *I'm not even scared of ghosts and stuff like that, but why am I shitting myself thinking this doll is gonna move? *uses a cookie to cover the dolls face the whole time. *that is definitely one of the top 5 creepy dolls on my list. *me waiting for the eyes to move like. *I've been known to feel really uneasy if something bad happened in a place and that doll makes me feel like that in the pit of my belly. *it moved. *I would like this but I want it to staty at 666. *this is creepy. *I hate dolls lol. *the l-leg move. *the doll is a bit cute. *Danish flags on it btw. *this is Annabelle lil sis. *the doll has the Danish flags! *I know the doll is creepy but why does it have 1 eyes thats all I wanna know. *that doll is creepy! *I would be saying like I love you, doll it's so pretty. *name dolly is Mary.

I spent the weekend in my jamjams ghosthunting on YouTube in search of #thisdollhasseensomethings in videos.....

she's on the cover of one video...where she moved. "Haunted Farrar School (Creepy Doll Moves On Camera) by FrankO TV. May 24 2021. He named her Samantha (insert heart emoji here.) I of course instantly posted it to Facebook.

found another video where she was sitting in auditorium near stage and nobody noticed her.... The spirits really liked Gavin...Farrar Elementary School investigation, Full Movie May 22 2023 by Paranormal Baddies

then found her on Farrar School-Our Haunted Evening Crossinguard Paranormal Nov. 8, 2022 laying on floor at bottom of main staircase!

then looked on TikTok and tada......Iowa Paranormal Explorers had her and Big Barbie sitting in a window in the auditorium.....Does anyone else name the random creepy dolls they find at locations? The spirit talker app said "Victoria" as soon as we went close to it. That dolls name was Victoria for the rest of the night and addressed as such. (insert heart emoji here.) I am glad she's still at the location spreading joy and love and jump scares. hope to get back up there soon to see her and get some selfies.

Kevin had a chiropractor appt on Valentines Day, so I put on jeans and a clean hoodie and accompanied him.

if you've been following along on my life journey, I rarely get out of my jamjams anymore. I wear them to take out trash, to check the mail...sometimes to run out to the farm. I figured we'd go out to our favorite place to eat in Trenton, since it was Valentines day, and Kevin made a comment that my Muckies weren't very cute for Valentines Day. we drove by Uprooted Kitchen and they were obviously very very full, so he threw out Pizza Hut, and I said lets go home and eat. so we got tots and rings at Sonic, then came home and I made some supper. today he made lunch and supper. snowing.

I've been watching TikToks and YouTube videos looking for #thisdollhasseensomethings at Farrar. FrankO Tv named her Samantha. I've made a list of things to do when I go back to see her again....like selfies with her on the main stairs, in that little hallway with the chair, put her on an X in the hallway, pose her in the framed open window that overlooks the gym and get pics from behind her and down in the gym...put her on a teachers desk, maybe with a toy apple? or make a fabric apple? get cheap abc fridge magnets to put on a locker. take a box of chalk to leave for chalkboards. pic of her in front of chalkboard with her names written in chalk. maybe a Shaun Cassidy poster in a locker to recreate my junior high memory of his poster in my locker? so many possibilities. probably take her outside for a pic by the open grave, too. she really is living her best life there. also saw her in another video sitting up by stage in auditorium. no one seemed to notice her in her out of the way spot, but I saw her.

had a message on home answering machine from Aunt Mary's senior center, she got ill at lunch and they put her in an ambulance. have heard no more. it's sad that she had no one to call. no kids. no spouse. just an inattentive niece. if I was a single lady of more advanced age, I'd probably move into a tiny apartment in housing where someone would notice my absence so I didn't mummify in my own home when no one realized I was gone. where there was no yard to mow or snow to scoop. put all my shit in a storage unit so when I stopped paying rent they'd just have a unit sale and then my shit would be dispensed. easy peasy lemony squeezy. the older ladies in my life all remain living on their own in their own houses. 2 of them with cats that might eat them when they die. and houses chock FULL of stuff.

school cancelled today and tomorrow for snow.

it's a heavy, wet snow. had to go into full winter protocol at front door. I went out on back porch in my jammies and barefoot to scoop snow off for Rip to go potty. just had to take one step outside. just the one. the door shut and somehow I locked myself out. Kevin was outside dicking with his tractor that wouldn't start. Rip of course can't unlock door and I can't fit through pet door. I was hoofing it and cussing to the pen gate to let myself out to go in through garage. and here comes Kevin around the corner. he let me back into house. I pulled a real Grandma Grace. had to put on socks and slippers and fresh jammy pants to warm up. you think I'd learn. that's why I have the big clunky Muck boots. EXACTLY why I have the big clunky Muck boots. which were in the livingroom in the boot box. the catch the snow and mud drips box. which is actually a huge ass paint tray I got at Girdners when our boot tray was all cracked and leaking and that's all I could find, but it's actually Perfect. the edge keeps the boots standing up. pretty awesomesauce.

spent my day watching

well, I never posted this, and now it's tomorrow...the girls came over to play while their parents went grocery shopping. there were stilleto heals and dancing to Taylor Swift, some mysteries to solve...just the usual.

snowpocalypse has commenced. they earlied up the basketball games.

Z rode to town with Daddy and The East Harrison Bobcats, then we hung out for awhile before I took her home. it. is. snowing. school already called for all my grandkids tomorrow. made another dollhouse room today. complete with wine wall from Abaddon Hotel (the thingies Chiefs Bingo footballs were in.) made chairs out of pipe cleaners and cardboard. a couch from styrofoam and fabric. been watching some True Crime YouTube stuff. I don't think I could ever vote someone guilty. remember when bite mark experts were a thing? what if DNA goes along the same path? it's only as good as The Person who collected it, IF it is properly stored, (AND labeled!), AND properly tested and processed and recorded. a lot of IFs in there. if that's all you got....I don't think that's Without A Reasonable Doubt. just sayin'. hope I never get selected for a jury ever again. I've been on 2 juries so far, and both voted Not Guilty.

fuckin' news.

I don't watch the news. not unless Kevin goes to bed and leaves it on network tv. we didn't win the Superbowl, so lets rehash last years Superbowl Rally shooting AND ponder aloud if Kelce is going to retire. poor guy just lost The Big Game AND his girlfriend was booed on the Jumbotron. give him a day or 3.

Iz came over while they went to Ann's appt. I picked up Relda. she helped me find Cameron Walmart for a futile search for Tracy's Bigfoot. nope. I can't follow the gps directions or see turns in the dark. it was something. we put the new star sheets on her bed...they glow in the dark! Izzy needed a sheet to make a bed on the couch so she'd quit messing up Z's bed that she repeatedly made. Z was skipping through Walmart singing, her boots on the wrong feet, one boot totally untied, just living her best life. I love that girl. (heart emoji). she apologized for breaking her Christmas snake. I am thrilled she has loved it so hard that it needs repair. brought it home for a new piece. the cow fabric I used was KJ's curtain in his room at Albany, then was kitchen curtains for years here. that strip of fabric had a bad spot, so cut it out and replacing with a constellation piece since I didn't have anymore of the other fabric. had to unstuff a bit to sew securely, then will restuff and hand stitch closed. promised I'd get it back to her tomorrow. got some done tonight. taking a break for now.

TikTok told me that the Superbowl halftime was fraught with many meanings. I didn't watch much of it. I'll take their word for it. The Woke Folk got it and all made TikToks for the rest of us with our heads in the sand. I'd rather watch an informercial about just about anything than watch a Superbowl Halftime.

lets see.

Ann was sick Friday, so Iz and I hung out. Sat. we went to Jethro's for supper. just 'cause. and did some unsuccessful looking for Bigfoot in Des Moines Walmarts since Tracy can't find one in Arizona. I quit watching Sister Wives years ago, but somehow started back up with Season 19. watching a lot of snarky TikToks catching up on what I've missed....still catfishing references from back in the day. I'm also sleeping a ton. not at night so much, but in vehicles. in my chair. half the day....made a dirt basement room that my long awaited for skeleton statue fit right into. and a lobby. thinking I know how to rearrange the Creepy Corner to make more room....have not actually taken any action....par for the course. I am such a procrastinator. and just plain lazy.

fuck the 3peat and the horse it rode in on.

it was brutal. 22-40. not our day. just not our day. Rip didn't wear his jersey. we didn't do the family picture. I did put a jersey on Outdoor Bigfoot. a Chiefs hoody on Big Walmart Bigfoot. a jersey and football pants on Baby Alien. Drew & Mimi got jerseys. bought Chiefs Bingo for fucks sake! Kevin bought a Chiefs Football Cake and chips and TWO dips. I made Rice Krispie Treats. I poured a glass of peach muscato. did any of The Chiefs think to go to the grave of Marie Laveau and leave her a little somethin' somethin'? I bet The Eagles did.

no good commercials. and halftime show sucked. I probably won't be watching for a few years....think our run is over. Mr. Mahomes lost his sunny smile this season. I don't think it's fun anymore. time will tell.

and Donald Trump went to the game. for whatever that's worth.

ice, ice, baby.

a day of reading, phone scrolling, and chair naps. I had a missed call from Ian, he answered and said he'd accidently dialed me changing strap on his watch. still fun to talk to him for a few. they had a 2 hour delay today. Z and KJ got the day off for icy roads.

whelp. I couldn't help but notice they brought a large wheelchair to take me to OR in. as in The Wide Load Deluxe.

large hiatal hernia. the flap that closes between stomach and intestines isn't working right. will schedule another test. then another consult. I had a dream that Zerelda and I were horse racing. she was on a black horse. she won. Kevin said that when they brought me back to room I was telling the nurse she had Bigfoot on her shirt. repeatedly. and having a lot of trouble transferring myself from one bed to the other. a lot. how embarrassing. but they did give me Pepsi and a glass of ice and it. was. heavenly. and all I had to do to leave was pee? challenge accepted!

oh! Kevin recently replaced upstairs humidifier.

I guess he was tired of my meltdowns from cross threading it when I put the water things back in and it leaking all over the floor. I know I was. now I just pour water in a spot. no taking apart and putting back together. easy peasy lemon squeezy.

todays the day. I hate NPO. mostly the not drinking part. I am an obsessive sipper.

procedure moved up half an hour. set alarm to get up and eat and drink something. then chair napped till Kevin got home from applying for "Missouri Real" license. he had to give up CDL to do so. cameras, rules, someone somewhere was fired for breaking rules, government stuff....Idk. knowing the source, sure it was an interesting conversation. now to settle in with my Seattle Cynanide Murders book and NOT sip at my sweet tea every few pages....(sigh). I shouldn't bitch. I so rarely do this anymore. fasting bloodwork is always first thing in a.m. and a human CAN survive a bit NPO. but I'm old and fat and fussy and set in my evil ways....the hardest thing will be not grabbing my for-the-road Pepsi outta fridge on my way out the door....I. am. so. damn. predictable. (insert eye roll here).

and for the record, and posterity, I'll once again state, I am happy for anyone who loses the weight. is losing the weight. is trying again to lose the weight. is once AGAIN losing the weight. has accepted their weight. is comfortable with their weight. dresses cute no matter what they weigh. the ones with confidence. the ones who fake it. the ones who struggle. and if you can do the makeup, good for you. I've thrown in the towel at this point. but I am proud of y'all. I like your shirt. you look good in that hair color. you look so happy. don't let my RBF fool you. I'm proud of ya.

my mom called me outta the blue and scared the bejesus outta me while the girls and I were on our way to P-ton for an appointment....

we don't just randomly call each other outta the blue to chit chat. it's hey, need a ride home from ER; or checked myself outta hospital, come get me; or so-and-so died; or a personal invite to a family gathering. all is well.

Mz Iz took a lengthy car nap, so I played my phone game, then did an errand at bank, went to Casey's, and Iz came to play with her bestie Rip (and Flarp and Barbies and cojoined twin doll). Kevin's new to him tractor arrived. temps dropped afternoon from 55 degrees to lower 40s FAST. we were the only customers when we went uptown to eat. Rip unplugged my chair and I crawled out without tipping over....with no help from my husband. it was easier than extracting myself from The General. and he DID help me that time...I was so excited. found a Sallie House TikTok and thought I saw the teeny tiny doll I left in window...but when I zoomed in, the colors were right, but looks like a tiny rubber duckie. also discovered The Brown Paperbag Family. I must must must make a Paperbag Family of somebody...maybe The Scooby Doo Gang? something I could frame for basement....

when I finally woke up at 10:30 a.m., the Groundhog had seen his shadow, and it looks like a beautiful day out the window!

was watching reels on my phone, found a truckers wife who makes HOMEMADE marshmallows....her trucker husband was going to be home for breakfast, so she whipped up FROM SCRATCH biscuits and sausage gravy and potatoes....is 12:45 p.m., so roused up to make some brunch. guess TikTok is good for motivation?

Kevin did his research, found 5 tractors, we went to St Joe yesterday, he picked one out, will be delivered tomorrow. then he asked where I wanted to go (after a lunch at The Loudest Place In The World to get good food Texas Road House at noon on a Saturday....), and when we got to Hobby Lobby, he told me to get a cart. and so I did. he found some stuff....I found some stuff. and now I'm thinking The Lobby. found tons of old fashioned paper stuff. thinking a montage on walls. of course a desk. found some little keys. will have to make some comfy lobby seating. and after my running out of glue sticks recently? found half a bag in basement in a drawer I'm sure I looked in (insert eye roll here.)

reading a killer book about generations of females that had just shit horrible unlucky lives and while my childhood was nothing like that, I find myself thinking about stuff I hadn't thought of in YEARS. you just really never know what someone has survived. damn.

of course Amazon had more 'people' to live and work at my hotel. gonna try to make a sign....