Limbo

an 8 minute movie with Sam Elliott voicing a dying dog. 5 Bow Wows for weird factor. A man driving through the desert stumble across a dying dog. He gives it water and in return the dog offers him a single wish... Directors Will Blank Starring Sam Elliott, Raul Castillo, Anahi Bustillos Genres Drama, Fantasy 5 I Could Listen To Sam Elliott's Voice All Days ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

we are big kids now.

Kevin has inherited 2 farms, stock portfolios, vehicles galore, and we now have a safety deposit box. we've met with a lawyer and a stock broker. things I never ever imagined we'd do.

Dogman

5 Bow Wows ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ on the debster scale. Hanklin Purvis enjoys the outdoors, and he loves to hunt. He and his wife, Dorothy, live on a farm in the rural mid-west. For some reason, during the season before autumn, things start happening. The first victims are family pets, then wild animals. But it's not until people are injured that the police get involved. The attacker is not human, that's for sure and it needs to be stopped. Directors Richard Brauer Starring Kimberly Guerrero, Larry Joe Campbell, Stacie Mitchell Genres Horror, Suspense the lady with her grandma's scrapbook got the moss to make the antidote...but she also swiped a puppy from the litter....I never did figure out what Dogman needed with a snowmobile and a bow...

life is just a series of adventures....

we've met with a lawyer. spent the night in a nice hotel. and went to our granddaughter Coralie's 5th birthday party. Today Zerelda will visit. soon I have Haunticon Omaho with Tracy, then Katie's graduation in Hayes, KS. gotta squeeze in all the adventures we can!

“A sister is like yourself in a different movie, a movie that stars you in a different life.” —Deborah Tannen Happy Happy Happy Birthday 🎈🎈🎈Brenda

Lower Spirits

Join the Lower Spirits crew as they discover monsters (Scarecrows, Bigfoot) demons and ghosts and themselves in this new dark mockumentary comedy show. Starring Brandon Guiles, Bruce Falcon, Mark Ginter Genres Comedy, Horror

My Cryptid Creature Feature Quilt is complete! Thanks, Karen's Longarm Quilting!

dear diary 2000

5April: Koren's clarinet trio got a I at District and go to State April 27! 6April: Dr. back up to 232. numbness in stomach is nerve damage. feeling may or may not come back. I can drive and start walking. 7April: spring concert. Koren has babysitting job lined up for summer. - 9April: Kj called me 'you piece of monkey shit.' Kevin and KJ went fishing with Lije. - 10April: KJ preop physical and blood work. he was very upset about blood work and cried all the way through. when I took him to school after the 'testing in progress don't disturb' sign was up, so took him to Principal's office and he took him to class. - 12April: Dr called. insurance ok'd adenoids and sinus flush but says medical records don't show need to remove tonsils.... - 14April: KJ tonsils out. he walked back to OR alone and had fun talking Pokemon with his 8 year old roommate. Kate was an angel and walked about 100 miles through the hospital and told everyone hi. Mrs. Snow sent KJ a balloon. -15April: Kj ate some. 16April: KJ seems to be doing ok. throat still hurts. - 21April: released from Dr. wants me to start walking and lose weight to strengthen stomach tissue. bonus check $909.

dear diary. 1998

1July: Kevin picked up our pork loin at company stroe. to Chase's first bday party. BJ rents a PSF house by Somerset. - 2July: DREAM: we had a boy out patient c-section, but the birth certificate was wrong, wrong birthdate, the babys name was Ray, Jr. and our names were wrong-we were on the run without the baby, hiding out in pastures and old barns and Lije wanted to make us breakfast but he thought I was allergic to whipped cream.... KJ's fave cartoon is now Sailor Moon. Marie recently made a John Deere wall hanging for the baby and Kevin has it hung up where the crib will go.. kids went to Dr with me to hear baby's heartbeat. 140 beats a minute. 196lb. stomach measurement about right. probably end of October. 21 weeks. per her. - 4July Kevin came home from work 6:30a.m. and told me I had a flat passanger tire on car. Koren thinks she'll be a foreign exchange student her senior year then go to beauty school. at pool yesterday Pam offered to babysit for new baby. when Kevin went to the hospital last Saturday, KJ asked me if Dad was bringing our new baby home. After hearing the heartbeat, he thinks our baby will be a sumu wrestler with a a strong heartbeat like that! - July5: picnic at Mom & Dad's. trekked Fairview & Hughes Cemetery. - 6July: Kevin came out to work after he got tire fixed and put back on car. - 7July: Kevin picked 2 green peppers from garden. - 9July: touching letter from Ashley to me and Kevin apologizing...Koren burnt palm of hand on melted spatula making tuna pot pie while I was zonked out on couch with a/c on subzero... - 10July: Kevin to dr. lungs look good. had a flat tire after work. Ed changed it for me. post mistress asked when my little one was due. Marie asked if we knew baby's sex so she could start on quilt. feel like I'm packing a bowling ball around in my stomach at work. baby kicking now in addition to squirming. - July13: Adventureland. Kj had as much fun after at the McDonalds play area in Altoona. Koren was in heaven walking Southridge.(looking for another hamster. not a pet store there.) garbage not picked up second week in a row. - 14July: KJ put his face in water at pool for the first time. he told me he didn't need the lifeguard to teach him how to swim Kevin was gone all day, KJ missed him and wanted to tell him how he'd put his face in the water at the pool and how far he got on Scooby Doo. - 15July: day #3 of vacation. KJ up 6a.m. crying, stomach pain, vomiting. Dr. sent him to hospital for bloodwork. 57lb. no fever. white cell count too high. surgeon poked around on him and told us to watch him, could be very early stages of appendicitis. he's on the high scale of average 6 year old height. - 17July: bonus check $1369.13. Kj was better yesterday, vomiting and c/o stomach pain again today. Dr. called in Rx for vomiting. - 18July: after months of no caffiene, I'm craving strong brewed sweet tea. - 19July: now Koren's puking. Kevin went to feedmill picnic by himself. I started throwing up. - 20July: should've called in sick by of course I didn't. rough day at work.. - 21July: after mowing yard on a 100 degree day and on his way to rake hay for Lije, Kevin told me to put MY feet up and rest. he stopped the trash truck and helpfully gave them directions to our house. and picked tomatoes at Lije's. - 22July: Kevin picked a zuchinni from garden, kids and I picked green beans. made first loaf of bread in our new bread machine! - 23July: first red tomato in our garden! Koren had sweet tea and white bread ready when I got home from work. - 24July: John brought over a bassinet for baby. took kids to see Mulan. Koren was adult price. a little kid behind us was asking questions and KJ was answering her. - 25July: Kevin had to rebuild Lazyboy. - 26July: to St Joe Glore Museum and Jesse James house. Kj was trying to figure out which cowboys killed who and why. mall: KJ got his last 2 Small Soldiers, Koren found a pair of $36 jeans that Kevin proclaimed loudly in front of the clerk that he wouldn't pay for. - 27July: Kevin picked first sweetcorn from garden. and tomatoes and green beans. he harrowed at the farm while KJ was at summer school. - 28July: I bred while Kathy and Ed tagged Iowa pigs. hit in the stomach by a gate, crushed, stepped on by sows, shoved around by gilts...the baby has to wonder what the hell is going on out there in the world.... - 2Aug: on way to see Armageddon at Corydon, a train was derailed on side of 65. several cars. - 3Aug: Koren saw someone drop $ on the floor at McDonalds and leave and gave it to the clerks so they could chase the person and return it. chiropractor popped my hip back in. will go every 3 weeks. - 4Aug. dr. protein in urine. 199lb. 26 weeks. go every 3 weeks now. gained 2 lbs. KJ to Dr Rodman. no cavaties! he brought home a gerbil he named Templeton. - 6Aug: Kathy at work told me I waddle. - 8Aug: Dad called, Aunt Donna found Uncle Dean dead in the bathroom at 6:30 this morning. - 9Aug: making a Cat in the Hat birth announcement. Koren cleaned garage for her party. - 11Aug: Uncle Dean's funeral. - 14Aug: kids and I have miserable colds. day 4 of returning SNES games to Princeton and renting another to bring home. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers the movie is his favorite. - 16Aug: our last family outing to Walmart or quite possibly anywhere....KJ was in tears, I was ready to walk home. did get Koren's requested door lock, and KJ's Zord. Kevin is not very happy with me right now. - 17Aug: KJ to dr. allergies. Rx. Kevin back to chiropractor, neck still out. he put the new doorknob on Koren's door and she's happy. - 18Aug: 7th grade orientation. - 19Aug: Kevin always has his hand on my belly when I wake up so he can feel the baby move. He's really into this pregnancy. first day of school. went to work late so I could take KJ to his first day of first grade. KJ told me after you die someone rips out your tongue and throws it into the trash, because you nver see a skeleton with a tongue, do you? - 21Aug: Ashley and Koren threw a going away party for Jessica. - 22Aug: our first overdraw in a long time. guess 2 checkbooks doesn't work. - Aug23: to see Small Soldiers at Bethany. - 24Aug: is npo after midnite and drinking orange diabetic shit toomuch to ask for a healthy baby? did get a day off work, though. 201 lbs. not diabetic. gained 2 lbs. Mrs. Osborne called to tell Kevin that KJ cried when she tried to make hime re-do some work and he had to stay in from recess. - 25Aug: Captain Reading Club parents meeting after school. Kevin stripped crib and brought it home. KJ wants to name baby Dexter. - 28Aug: Lisa had baby 2:13 p.m. lots of black hair. bright eyes. 8lb 4oz, 20 1/2", Maxwell Oran. Aunt Dona stopped by Mom's store upset that Aunt Mary had brought her boyfriends granddaughter to Uncle Dean's funeral. Mom was mad because Aunt Mary slammed her to Grandma and Aunt dona...Koren found litter of kittens in Christmas tree box. - 3Sept. KJ had fun at carnival, let Koren stay later with her friends. Koren and friends rode rides with KJ, and when they saw another little boy riding alone getting out of his seat when the ride started, they yelled at carney to stop ride. she walked home. there was moonlight, but no street lights on our road. a bit spooky. KJ wants to take the baby's diaper off when we get home to see if it's a boy or girl. he doesn't think they'll let us take the diaper off at the hospital. and he knows the baby can't wait to hear his voice. - 4Sept: Kevin handed me an overdraw when i got home from work today at 5:15p.m. and said "Merry Christmas." Koren went to carnival. she called at 11 p.m. wanting a ride, KJ was asleep on couch so I went to get her, she ran down road towards car. hate leaving him home by himself even for a few minutes, but don't want to wake him up because he won't go back to sleep. being a mom is impossible some days. - 5Sept. Koren's first parade in marching band. we didn't recognize her with her hair in her hat. Koren found us after she marched and walked KJ thru the parade to the new pizza place Green Cow for an ice cream cone. - 6Sept. to south Missouri to meet Max and see Tom and Lisa's new house they built. spent the night at teeny tiny Belle Motel. Mom, Dad, and John went, too. -7sept: they live like 40 miles from Lake of the Ozarks. went to the Lake of Ozarks state park, drove through Osage Beach, KEvin had to replace a leaky gas hose in an O'Reilly's parking lot in Camdeton. KJ was very upset that he not only was going to miss SAILOR MOON, but also DRAGONBALLZ. kids got along great on way down, things got shaky at motel and were not cherry on way home.. - Sept9: Baby Max has a new house, tons of clothes and toys, and his own future garage and basement apartment. our baby has the crib his/her big brother and sister used, a cool bassinet, new board books, a Cat in the Hat afghan and stocking, looney tunes bottles and 6 new outfits, and a corner of our room. BONUS: our baby gets a loud, chaotic (hopefully) loving family to boot. Joe has colon cancer. - 10Sept: got home late. Koren's dance meeting, . Kevin called. Blazer broke down in Lineville. 11Sept: Kj's a member of the Captain 100 Reading Club! Mom ate lunch at school with KJ for Grandparents Day. - 15Sept. Kj got pushed down in gym and loosened a baby tooth and split his lip. - 16Sept: Kevin and BJ helped Lije with test plot. - brought Missy the Butterscotch Beagle to our happy dog farm. - 23Sept: Joe Hass died ths morning at Corydon hospital. colon cancer surgery last Tuesday. slight stroke Thursday night or Friday morning. -25Sept: Joe's visitation. Kevin, Koren, and I to Marie's. John stayed here with KJ and gave him a shower. -26Sept: Koren to Pancakes Day pared in Centerville with Marching Band. Joe funeral. Kj figured out who Grandpa Joe was when we went to Marie's after. he played with Katie's daughter Emily. - 27Sept: Kevin made a tulip bed in front yard. - 28Sept: Dr. baby heart beat 130-140/minute. 206 lb. breech. Kevin can be there for C-section whether I'm awake or not. signed tubal ligation papers. 33 weeks. our 15th anniversary. - 29Sept: KJ wonders if baby coming home will be like a sleepover. - 30Sept: Kj home sick. to dr. - 1Ocr: KJ's in Club 200 now! 3Oct: Koren's Worlds of Fun band trip. 9Oct: bonus $1152.96. Oct10: Mom's store for baby stuff. - 11)ct: Walmart baby stuff. - 12Oct: dr. 207, gained 1 lb. 35 week. Koren's first game at Cainsville. missed it. - 13Oct: Koren's first home game. she was adorable. borrowed Vicky's ultrasound machine at work, I saw baby's clenched fist, beating heart, and spine, looks head down to me. maternity leave paperwork at office. - 15Oct: Blazer died on Kevin 's way to work last night. - 17Oct: Kj was telling Ashley in loud whispers about seeing oe in the tomb and how they shot guns at his funeral. - Oct@0: thought tonite's game was away and I missed it. - 21)ct: baby still breech. stomach measurement38" baby heart beat 130/min. 208 lbs. gained 1. - 22Oct: KJ's loose front tooth fell out. Kevin to Dr. took sick day from work. - 23Oct: KJ and I to Koren's game. - Oct24: my last weekend to work before birth, bumped my stomach in b barn and sat on floor and bawled. not because I was hurt, because I'm tired and should quit and I'd never forgive myself if I did something to hurt the baby. - 25Oct: Kevin came to work to drag a dead gilt for me-kids and I to Lake Paho and a fisherman yelled at them for chucking rocks into the water... - 26Oct: Kevin did PT conferences. Kj cries when they do tests and has trouble starting things alone. Koren quite dance. she's not turning in assignments. Kevin and KJ to school book fair. - 27Oct: mom over after school today to stay with KJ. Dr. ultrasound shows head big at 40 weeks, thigh bone at 39 week, weighs approx. 7 lb. weight 211 gained 3 lbs. retaining water. surgery scheduled for Monday. baby head down. saw the heart and stomach. baby is breathing in utero and ready to be born. - 28Oct: took KJ with us to meet surgeon. BP 132/70. weight 209. took KJ to school, then went to work. - Oct29: KJ & I to Koren's home game. Kevin to Dr. - Oct30: last day of work. left early for school halloween party. Mrs. Osborne said KJ has been much more social the last few weeks since he's going to ballgames, etc. 31Oct: overdraw. we took KJ trick or treating in the rain. Koren had a party. - 2Nov: Mom and John over to get kids off to school. Kevin went in wtih me for c-section. he watched surgery and anwered yes for me when they asked about the tubal. he looked adorable in scrubs. I heard 'look at all that hair' and then a long cry and 'it's a girl!' and I got to see my newborn daughter with the white junk still all over her....Lije, Mom, and John were at hospital. Koren skipped a tournament game to come meet Katie Scarlett Dailey, born 8:44 a.m. 19 1/2" 7 lb 10 oz at Corydon, Ia. - 3Nov: Kate weighed 7 lb 3 oz. I popped some stitches during night. - 4Nov: Dr Wells put in more stitches. - 5Nov: thought I'd go home. I was dismissed but started vomiting and had to stay. Katie weighs 7 lb. - 6Nov: Kate weighs 7 lb 9 oz and is a little jaundiced. Kevin brought us home inone of Marie's smooth riding luxury cars. I crashed on couch and life went on around me. Marie was a patient in hospital, Lije brought her to my room Monday night to meet Katie. Mom called and told me she put a sign up on store announcing Katie's arrival. she got a slight scalple nick on back of her head, all the scar tissue made my uterus too thin. - 8Nov: feel better. Katie's a good baby. KJ laid in my spot on couch, covered up with the brown blanket and said, 'Look! I'm mom!' and giggled. at bedtime he told me he wants to teach at Mercer when he grows up but doesn't know what class. 0Nov: county nurse checked my scar, changed dressing. Kevin copied off my Cat in the Hat announcements and took birth announcement and pic of Katie to newspaper. - 10Nov: dr. 194.5, checked scar, healing well. left stitches for county nurse to take out later. have a deep hole in my stomach. is it going to heal up? scary. - 12Nov. took last pain pill. stitches out.

dear diary 1997

Sept1: Koren loaned me her library book Walk Two Moons and I had a good cry. - Sept2: KJ has a loose tooth. - Sept3: Koren slipped on a rug in Home Ec, cut her finger on broken glass from pudding bowl, bruise on hip. Kj lost one tooth, another loose one. - Sept5: Tonya and Ashley have both tried to burn Koren's Ouija board. Jessica swears it made noises all night at her house and it told them Kkoren will die. Ashley says before her birthday, Jessica says tonight. - Sept7: Kevin left for 3 days training at Bagnell Dam. I'm on vacation home with the kids. - Sept9: I half heartedly tried to watch One Life to Live, but I'm not the same deb who stood in Sears tv department for an hour to watch my soap. KJ brought home his first homework. Kevin brought KJ home Batman toys. - Sept10: KJ likes the word 'disappointed'. - Sept17: Kj was telling me how trains kill kids while he was outside swinging. he told the horses across the road that trains kill baby horses, too. - Sept20: KJ lost a tooth at Calamity Jane parade. - Sept.22: KJ made some amazing Power Rangers on his dry erase board. - Sept27: to visit Grandma and Grandpa, he has 'the look'. told me he thought he'd met his maker yesterday. - Oct2: KJ can color in the lines and found an X in a spider web on the gate the other day. - Oct2: Willie has quit again, so I'm asst. mgr. at Wade 3. - Oct4: Grandpa has a hospital bed in the living room windows and is on oxygen. - Oct10: Grandpa died in his sleep about 12:30 p.m. while Grandma was making lunch. Hospice came and found him. Koren 5'4". KJ 46". bonus check $552.02. - Oct11: went to Grandpa Vermal's visitation after work. he was jaundiced. extremely thin. dressed in hsis work clothes. his face looked like the Grandpa I remembered and I had a good bawl. His crossed hands were in the hollow that used to be his stomach. - Oct13: Grandpa's graveside service. all the grandkids were there. all the great grandkids but Kenton and Steven. picked up Koren's futon off layaway. Deb's and another store on Princeton square burnt today. Aunt Kay was feeding all her 'little birds' bites off her plate. - Oct15: KJ got sick at school. Kevin wasn't home so they called me. 3 of us in barn and I was in charge. finally got hold of Kevin so he could pick up KJ. took him to dr. appendicitis? flu? - Oct18: someone stole our pumpkins and scarecrow. Nina Ragan found our windsock. Her grandson climbed up the gazebo on square, brought it home, and hung it back in tree. - Oct19: KJ asked why we had Koren first and him second.... _ Oct20: KJ asked me if dammitt was a "s" word after his bath. - Oct23: KJ stayed home sick. - Oct24: Koren stayed home sick. - Oct25: Grandma and Grandpa bought their plots at Resthaven in 1955. - Oct29: there's a big ass possum hanging out in garage with the cats. - Nov1: took Koren to ER, she fell dancing on pumpkins on the square last night. wear sling till xray is read. - Nov3: soft cast, more xrays.- Nov5: Koren and Kj home sick. - Nov6: I was honorable mention in the short story contest. KJ sent home from school 10:30 a.m. puking. - Nov7: KJ stayed home today. Koren is changing her name to Bethany Ann. - Nov10: xray. slight fracture radial near elbow. - Nov. 11: Kj stayed home today. old house by RR bridge and old lumberyard knocked down today. - Nov14: Koren stayed home with stomach ache. - Nov.18: Kevin got rid of possum in garage, when I put trash out, a possum was in the trash can. alive and hissing. called him at work. this is ANOTHER possum. - Nov21: Kevin got a button buck on his Dads farm. - - Nov24: xray shows healing, Koren's first driving lesson, we shrieked in unison and decided she's not ready. - Nov25th: saw a baby bobcat on Wade road. -Nov26: Kevin and I both made it to KJs pumpkin pie party, the kids were dressed as Pilgrims and Indians. - Nov28: Kevin took kids to Walmart for Black Friday and got a SNES $49.95.- Dec2: Koren wants to go to a $24,000 yr private boarding school where she can milk cows and grow her own food... - 4Dec: Koren might live in Europe after graduation...or Las Vegas or New York... - Dec7: Eagle Days at Mound City. KJ tried to hit the 'turn around' button on the way there. - 8Dec: Koren released. cast off. went in ditch about 6 miles from Bethany, got a ride to tow shop with a total stranger and paid $45 to get out of ditch. saw 5 other cars off road near there. -21Dec: Kj has 2 bottom adult teeth coming in! Kevin told him today I was an android and KJ lifted up my dress and said 'no computer chips.' - 22Dec: KJ asked me if I wanted him to "knock your punk ass down." - 30Dec: Blaze went apeshit wehn I tried to get out of pasture after throwing her hay. she ran in circles around me and kept raising up on her hind feet and pawing at the air with her front feet really close to chicken-shit-had-a-bad-experience-with-a-horse-as-a-child deb - 31Dec: the friendship bread batter stops here. 9Jan: Koren to dr. mono. - Jan22: Koren to Dr. - Jan27: took KJ to school and read his list of favorite things in the hallway: cartoon: the Jetsons. color: purple. movie: Jursassic Park the Lost World. went to see the pic of Brenda and Sarah that Brenda at work had told me was on hospital bulletin board. - 28Jan 4% raise! Koren got a 67% in math last week, uncompleted/not turned in assignments. KJ was warning us about the three bears that live in our woods in a trembling voice, he assured me the wild beasts are real. he stayed home from school sick. when I was reading him James and the Giant Peach, he told me to 'pause' while he got a drink. - 30 Jan: KJ to dr. ear infection. - 2Feb: Kevin came sick at midnight, KJ home sick from school. - 8FEb: Kevin to KC to take post office test. - 11Feb: KJ to dr. 46 lbs. - Friday the 13th: Kvein went to KJ's class Valentines party. - Presidents Day: Kevin thought school was closed today but the bus showed up and he was asleep, so kids got a skip day. - 21Feb: saw Titanic at Chillicothe. -26Feb: Kj's class did the Macerena at pep rally - 27Feb: KJ's first BB game. got parked in. couldn't leave.- 28Feb: Koren and sleepover friends were accused of prank calling another girl, Koren's phone taken away.

3March: Kevin, KJ, & I test drove Blazer. KJ likes it. -4MArch: Lije cosigned for a loan for Blazer. - 5March: boys brought the Blazer home, ended up borrowing money from Marie instead of bank.- 6March: KJ & I got called out to change a sensor in barn. - 8March: Kevin took Veta and I to work in Blazer and picked us up. Lije had to shower in and work with Dixie. no one showed up. - 9March: I took a vacation day to spend with KJ on his 6th birthday. Mother Nature gave him a gift: no school. Lije called: 15' drift on Wade road. no one can get thru. a snowblower is on the way after they get it unstuck. we're snowed in by a huge drift in front of neighbors. 10March: no school. boys took me to work. - 16March: Koren's first detention. half hour after school for cussing. goddamnit. went to Newtown to see Koren's elementary cheer debut! - St. Patricks Day: KJ wants to find a leprechaun and tell him to transport Koren to another world. bought a pregnancy test after work. I am nervous. it's hard to not be pregnant. it's nerve wracking to maybe be pregnant. I'm not a kid anymore. treated myself to a Pepperidge Farm 3 layer white cake. took test. think I'm pregnant. the instructions are complicated. did I fuck it up? - 19April. made a Dr. appt in 2 weeks. Kevin thinks I screwed up the test. -March20: KJ excellent report at PT conference. Koren can't cheer next week, she didn't turn in 2 assignments and got zeros. Kevin offered to go to Dr. with me. if I want. he thinks I'm stressed to the max which I'll admit and he wants me to be ok. - March21: 2nd pg. test. positive again. - March22: to mom's Sweet Adelines performance. - 23March: feel pukey. - March25: Kj lost a tooth. Ashley and Koren gave me a pacifier. Koren stepped on a rusty nail by the little pond. went all the way thru her new shoe and bloodied her foot. 28Sat.: Kevin and KJ drove Lije to KCI. - March30th: Koren's new boyfriend Seth gave her a necklace. they talk on the phone for hours. - March31: got a look at Seth. Princeton game. - 3April: left work early to attend 6th grade WWII presentation. very impressive. - 4April. dad and John came over after truck. signed title over. got Federal refund today $342. at bedtime KJ told me he's changed his mind about having a baby. it can sleep in a pen in the yard and when it's cold we'll buy it a little coat. - 6April: I'm 8 weeks pregnant, due Nov. 8. C-section probably scheduled one week early. 194. baby weighs less than 1 oz. approx. 1 1/8". - 7April: Spring concert, KJ was a horse. Koren danced in her new poodle skirt. - April10: $649.49 bonus check. - 11April: following the Christie Brinkley philosphy on nausea-at first sign eat something. and it really works. who knew.- 14April. bought couch B&W $438. new phone. 2 pairs of Pooh booties, a crib sheet, and crib dust ruffle. - April18: school carnival. left early. the watermelon I'd been craving turned on me. - 21April: KJ was standing on the step stool brushing his teeth after his shower and asked me if I liked his hair. It was sticking straight up. I said yeah, he said it looks like Shaggy when he's scared. - - 23April: Kj stepped on a piece of Mothers Day rose bush Kvin trimmed, he was barefoot. pulled a thorn out with tweezers. - May1: KJ to Dr, he thinks pinworms. - 2May: Koren let Ashley cut her hair. - May5: Koren class trip to Living History Farms. ultrasound shows 12 weeks, 3 days. new due date Nov. 14. baby looks like fine...just one. 192.5 lb. Dr. thinks I'm one of their oldest maternity patients but reassures me this is the perfect age to have a baby. KJ & Kevin got to see baby 'on tv.' should be feeling movement by next visit. they measure baby from head to butt and can also determine position of placenta and baby in mom's body. baby wiggling and kicking and turning. lots of movement. we coud see the heartbeat, the chin, and space under chin, arm, leg, knee and hip bones. 7May: KJ's first peewee ball practice. -May11: Kevin stood on the field with KJ at practice even though "Dad really needs me for test plots." baby approx 1 oz, 4". -!2May: KJ class to Blank Park Zoo. I couldn't get off work to go. - 17May: I hit KJ with a baseball in his face practicing. my poor kids. - 18May: Kevin to dr. dust pnemonia. sinus infection. KJ refused to go to practice. - 20May: went to work early so I could go to Koren's DARE graduation. left a message with coach that KJ quit the team. - 21May: KJ graduation. he won the superduper sharer award. KJ was the mouse in Hickory Dickory Dock. -22May: I was awakened at 2 a.m. by Koren's hamster Sierra rustling under the bed. had to get Koren up to help me catch her. took away Sierra's tunnel. no more escaping. -16May: Kevin looked good going to PSF thing. Koren did an admirable job lying to Ashley on phone, she didn't want to to walk and meet her, so said I said she couldn't go. and I couldn't be prouder. - 27May: KJ to Dr. tonsilitis. - June2: BP 110/80. 191 lbs. heard baby's heartbeat first time. - 3June: KJ dr. vitamins. watery tonsils. Kevin still sick. more antibiotics. -5June: sensaphone called 4:30 a.m. to let me know electric is off in the barn. - 8June: KJ wrote magnetic poem on fridge baby grwon mom . - 13June: vacation. - 15June: took Kohn to Worlds of Fun with us. power outage while we were there, then a downpour. KJ is 48". full price admission. KJ & I rehashed his fear of the end of time on way home. he got this from a Cartoon Network commercial. by dark we were on the subject of heaven and angels and gods...are they real? he worries over these things a lot. he's a thinker and questions things repeatedly. - 16June: kevin picked gooseberries so Grandma Marie will make him a pie. -18June: wehn I was a kid, the the summertime Mom and Dad would pile us into the back of the truck and Dad would drive slowly up and down gravel roads looking at crops on a night just like this. - 19June: Kevin back to dr for lump on back, more antibiotics. bouth a pool pass. $80. -June22: felt baby kick. - June24: KJ was awake when I left for work, he patted my check and told me to go, he'd be ok. he would take care of himself or wake up someone else in his family. Thomas caught Koren and Ashley swimming in new pond. Kevin washed the Blazer and is convinced someone keyed it at Worlds of Fun. -26June: Dr. Garber left message on Lije's machine for Kevin to be at hospital tomorrow morning for xrays and possible admission. he is not to work in this heat. Lije cauht him at the feed mill. - 27June: Kevin xrays. new med. no work today. Koren wants authentic Civil War era clothes and a period pencil sketch. - 30June: Sierra is dead.

dear diary

SEpt 30 2001: did phase 1 of oh-my-god-the-mary-kay-lady-is-coming-to-give-us-free-mother-daughter facials emergency clean. Kate and I to park...new swings. - 10/1: KJ did his homework and took a shower ON HIS OWN. 2Oct: family reading night. KJ got up in front 2x to hold signs. Kate had a blast. bought one of the singers cds. Kj proudly showed me his name in the school newsletter. - 10/5: kate and kj up fighting in the middle of the night. - Killer Kids, updated by Don Lasseter. "Cabin fever, the psychologocial effects of being shut in by winters foul weather, is little more than a joke in this modern age. At one time, though, cabin fever was an actual medical disorder. In the days of the pioneers, the long, cruel winters affected some peopld in bizarre ways. Whole families would sometimes go mad from the combinationn of poorly preserved food and interminable isolation. Progress through the centuries has rendered this form of madness extinct....when winter was the season of madness." "August third is the eve of a devil worshippers holiday knkown as the Satanic Rebels. celebrations call for having sex with young virgins.....holiday observed by male adherants wtih sexual acts with females between 7 and 17 years of age. many rituals have violent sexual overtones and violent criminal acts have come to the attention of invesigators as result of satanic coven rituals." - Oct8: baked a fudge marble bundt cake for Koren's birthday. I still remember being taken to surgery on that bed smacking through the wood doors and curling up in a ball twice for the spinal and the Dr saying, "Sorry, Debbie, you have to go to sleep." and catching a glimpse of a baby in a plastic box in the hallway, then Kevin sitting there all day and night in the chair by the bed holding my hand. and Lije & Dixie bringing the polaroids of her to the hospital for me...with the IV and the tube and the bag taped to her for urine collection. and the miserable bumpy painful ride home with no baby. and how lonely I was pumping milk with the electric breast pump Lije rented from the hospital. and how short our visits with her in the hospital were. and how made I was when Kevin sent Lije and Dixie to come pick us up and bring us home from Des Moines because he was afraid he'd be late to work. Lije took us to Deanna's and McDonalds on the way home. - 9Oct: Kevin came home sick from work last nite, went to dr. called in sick today. - 10/12: to Dr, he agrees its a hernia. Koren has sinus infection. watching my B/P. 228. Koren 145. 13Oct: family mall day. - 15Oct: Ellie told me they may not be able to hold my job while I'm on leave. 6 fucking years with PSF. - 16)ct: surgery scheduled Nov. 6. Boy scouts to see Sheriff....he's been there 18 years. there have been 4 murders in Mercer County during his term. - 17Oct: met with HR, I qualify for unpaid FMLA leave. Mr. Casey told me he sees KJ at the park shooting hoops every night. Cold Storage, Don Lasseter "Any number of ordinary people might keep tapes or articles about sex and murder as a general interest. But those folks do not keep nude frozen bodies of murder victims in storage." "...she doesn't get mom of the year. She was a bad mother in many respects. But she didn't teach the defendant to hurt people. She didn't instruct him to kill." "...the childhood was abusive, Not abusive like getting whipped once a day, but destructive the way water on a cliff can erode the face of it." -

19Oct: Koren's drivers test. we were both nervous. I still remember being parked in Mom and Dad's brown 2 door Biuck Regal in front of whats now Treadwells Office and that Juice Newton "Angel of the Morning" was on the radio. I remember Koren pedaling her blue Big Wheel as fast as she could and crashing into the jungle gym at Indianola and shearing off the handlebars.... Koren very very nervous. she flunked. she cried and I tried to cheer her up. I'm not very good at that.- 4Oct: KJ said I was amazing when he saw I'd laid out his jammies for his shower. - 23Oct: is the worlds Aleve big enough to raise these kids? the flag I ordered off internet with proceeds to go to Sept. 11 fund or Red Cross or whatever? it was made in Taiwan. - 24Oct. last Lumina payment. have made $1000.03 selling on half.com. - 27Oct: Redi Reserve is gone. $97 balance on my credit card. - 28Oct: the other night I was bitching about something and KJ quipped, "God, don't get another hernia, Mom." and laughed till he had the hiccups. - 1Nov: Kevin donated blood at school and earned Koren 20 points in 2 classes. - Nov2: Kevin took her for drivers test this time. she got it with a 71!!!!!! Kate watches Barbie Nutcracker movie every nite. - 4Nov. Kevin found the source of the something smelling dead in the garage... a rotten kitten. Nov6: nurse looked through my chart and came up with an anti-nasuea plan that worked! - 7Nov: Kevin picked me up. 9Nov: Mom brought us supper. - 9Nov: KJ came home with a squished up cupcake in his backpack and no homework. Koren took him back to school, his books weren't in his desk. Ms. Janet loaned him a math book and made a deal that he can do his english during recess. - The Memoirs of H.H. Lomax The Demise of Billy The Kid, Preston Lewis "Rosalita's toes were poking through the ends of her dancing sandals. Her second toe was longer than her big toe. That was a bad sign. I don't believe in superstitions unless there's something to them, but it was a proven fact back in the Ozarks of Arkansas that a woman with such a toe would bully her boyfriend, humiliate her lover, and henpeck her husband. I considered the ramifications of dancing with her, knowing it was dangerous to let a girl with a big second toe get too close to you." "We are chained to a small plot of this country, generally in the triangle made by home, work, and grocery store." - 11Nov: Kevin got a "moose" per Katie. he brought it by for us girls to see. Lije will mount the head for his office. - 12Nov: Marie picked up Koren's home ec quilt from quilter...who said it was the best home ec quilt ever. have sold $999.29 on amazon. - 20Nov: Kj stayed home sick. he thinks I overmedicated him. are these really Puffs Plus, they don't feel that soft.... - 21Nov: KJs class play. - 25Nov: Brown Family Christmas. Monsters Inc. - 29Nov: Kj bit his tongue after dental work and gashed it bad. - Dec!: PFS kids Christmas party. - A Change of Heart, Claire Sylvia with Wm. Novak "As a child I often prayed for a different mother-a warm and kinder woman was was more like the mothers of my girlfriends. These mothers, or so I imagined, would never yell at their daughter for no good reason, were close to their daughters, and openly loving." - 5Dec: KJ 107lb, 4'10" - Dreamcatcher, Stephen King "This was no dewey damsel in distress. She was 40 at least, and heavyset. Although her parka was thick and she was wearing God knows how many layers beneath it, it swelled noticeably in front, indicating the sort of prodigious jugs for which breast reduction surgery had been made. The hair whipping out from beneath and around the flaps of her cap was cut in no particular style. Like them, she was wearing jeans, but one of the thighs would've made two of Henry's. The first word to occur to him was countrywomans- the kind of woman you saw hanging out her wash in the toy littered yard beside her doublewide trailer while Garth or Shania blared from a radio stuck in an open window...or maybe buying a few groceries at Gasselins." "Hell, most kids never so much as thought of their college or high school buddies again, let alone those they'd chummed with in junior high..." - Dec12: Kevin has another polyup in his nose. Kate eye infection,42.5 lbs. - 13Dec. School Xmas program. Kj had a solo and speaking parts. -15Dec: Katie first in line for Santa. 16Dec: Lije and Dixie Christmas Dinner, church Xmas program. KJ was the white candle and inn keeper. - 20Dec: KJ let me open his present, 5 bead ornaments he made at school, and we put them on the tree. - High Hearts, Rita May Brown. "Childbirth is risk enough." "One hundred years from now everyone in this church will be dead. Will anyone remember us? Even my own blood kin? will my great grandchildren know who I was or care what I did? Will anyone remember Sumner? He left no children. We'll be shadows, shadows dispensed with their sunlight, their problems, their triumphs. They won't believe that we loved, fought, sung, cried, and died nor will they care. Maybe we're already shadows and don't know it. What if my sould should awaken one hundred years from now?...yes, I'd like to come back. I'd like to see these new people." "You gots to do a lot of things in this world you doan like, girl..." - 22Dec. Dad said he remembered hearing something about Willie being kidnapped and that Willie was always different. he said he thought Alexander had bought the farm from one of his brothers. Lisa and family at Mom and Dad's. - 23Dec: KJ is still puking and prophesizing his imminent death. - 25Dec: I awoke to KJ's moans on Christmas Day, owie, owie, owie I heard him say (sore neck.)- New Years Eve: gas $105.9 at Caseys. - 3Jan: Kevin put out a fire at the feedmill on his shift last night. - grades Koren: Accounting I, Biology, Nutrition, World History, Clothing, Applied MAth A-; Language Arts 10 A. absent 6.429 days. grades KJ: Reading, Language, Spelling, Science A-; Math B+; Social Studies B. absent 2.71 13 fiction book reports, 2 nonfiction book reports. - Storm of the Century, Stephen King "Other than a good slice of processed yellow cheese, there's nothing on earth like a mothers love!" 21Jan: KJ lost a tooth at school. someone from church told me that KJ had a prayer request for me before hernia surgery. - 27Jan: Kate helped Grandpa Bernard feed a bale of hay. at bedtime KJ tearfully pondered what his purpose was, why he'd been born. he said he should hang himself in the morning and he was the reason we were broek. maybe he does need back on the anxiety meds. I don't know. - 29Jan: someone broke into DD last night and stole 2 of the new Dell computers and contents of fridge and freezer. it is my job to lock up downstairs when I leave. upstairs door was left unlocked. whew. - The Wild West, "I've labored long and hard for bread, For honor and for riches, But on my corns too long you've tread, You fine-haired sons of bitches." Black Bart (Charles E. Bales.) - 30Jan: first snow day this school year. - Feb3: Assembly of God church van slid off the curve on our road and got stuck coming to pick up KJ - 7Feb Koren told me that KJ's friends won't let him sit by them at breakfast & made him cry, she found him a place to sit. - No Eye Can See, Jane Kirkpatrick. "If truth be known, such a day is every mothers dream from the moment a daughter is born, isn't that so?" "Hard to know how to help a child - send 'em away, take 'em back, loan 'em money, make 'em pay. How to forgive but not get caught up in the same old ways of doing things." - 11Feb: Kevin got bumped down to cheese and he is pissed. pretty sure I have another hernia. fuck fuck fuck. Kate eats snow off the ground and drinks water from the tub and pool. she would've made a great pioneer kid. she'd just throw herself down on the bank and stick her head in the river. - 12Feb: slept thru alarm. - 13Feb: Kate can stick her hand behind the tv guard and turn tv on and off. - 15Feb: Koren PSF interview. - Feb16: going to quit RAOGK. at Pine Cemetery Kate was playing with clay and dead flowers on a new grave (little marker said Nov '01). I asked her to quit. So asked why. So I say a little baby was buried there. since the pile of dirt was small. she started crying and was inconsolable. she cried for her dead baby brother. so at home she told me she was going to take a shovel and dig up that dead baby and bring it home. she needs a baby. 18thfeb: Kevin didn't park behind me since he saw me back into the car the other day. in our driveway. because I didn't look behind me. - Children of the Flames, Lucette Matalon Lagnado & Shelia Cohn Dekel "Tell your children of it, And let your children tell their children, And let their children tell another generation." -Joel 1:3 "Mengel's mother was the archetypicla German hausfra whose life revolved around her children. photographs show a heavyset woman with a stern, homely face and dark scowling eyes. Unlike her husband, who adopted an aristrocratic demeanor with his growing wealth, Wallburga made no attempt to alter her dowdy and matronly appearance. In the fashion of older peasant women she dressed almost entirely in black. Wally suffered from a terrible weight problem, which stemmed from her lone indulgence: food. She simply loved to eat...impassioned craving...over the years Walburga grew enormous. She ate constantly, compulsively. She became so obese she could hardly walk. she looked pregnant. She was so hungry she devoured everything in sight." 18Feb: Koren PSF orientation and pee test. 20Feb: family took Kevin to Pizza Hut for his birthday. - 22Feb: Kate woke up puking Hershey chocolate eggs. the bed was toast. it was in her hair. Koren got us supper at Feed Bunk and rented Josie and the Pussy Cats for KJ. Koren accepted into National Honor Society. - Someone Else's Child, Nancy Woodruff "It was one of those moments in her life as a mother, those she stored in her mind..." "There was the physical attraction that had been there form the moment she first saw him...and there was the weight of all the years they shared. And there was his utter ability to surprise her..." "...a son who had grown up into a man but was still a boy." "...they were a snapshot of what marriage was. Two exhausted, hurried people taking a moment in their shambles of a bedroom to remember love." "...thirty eight seemed a beautiful age, the most beautiful age, of still strong bodies and crowded, humming family life. And hope. It was an age at which you could still change your life, still find some way of undoing your mistakes." "a wedding was a sending off, with all the brightest hopes for the future..." - 23Feb: Koren's first day of work. she hates it. I hate for her to be there. I. KNOW. Piggly Wiggly where Kate formed an emotional attachment to a bag of Cheetos. - 24Feb: Koren asked me this morning how to quit. She doesn't like touching pigs. she was crying. I told her to stick it out, give it a chance...I don't think she will. - I can always tell when Kj is going to puke, he yells "Mommy!" like I can do anything. 25Feb: Kate puking now. I don't feel good. - 27Feb : kate puking. KJ stomach ache. Dr. Wells put me on a fat blocker. I have to lose weight. 30 lbs to have surgery. he called me later, he has Dr. friend who is interested in doing my surgery. wear binder. no lifting. KJ started making comic books. - 28Feb: Kevin called in sick with flu. - 3March: Kevin caught Blazer on fire putting in transmission fluid in driveway while it was running after he took Koren to work. he scooped up snow and put it out. He is clever. - 4March: apparently someone has done a poop painting on the wall behind our bedroom door. - over half million people have hernia surgery each year with a 10-12% recurrance rate. - 5March: KJgot The Ladies Man vhs stuck in vcr somehow. - 6March. Kevin rescued the vhs, but the vcr is toast. Koren FBLA contest. KJ brought home all this homework. at 8 o'clock still at it. after the homework nightmare was finally over, he came into kitchen and said, "Oh, Mom, has anyone ever told you how curly your hair is?" in a sweet voice to butter me up to make him a sandwich. he has his father's charm. - 7March: dentist, left work early for NHS induction. Koren read the new inductee thank you. - 8March: Koren said Wiles 2 manager called and said if she won't give pigs shots not to come back. so she says she won't. (I worked with a high school girl that took 2 years to finally castrate a pig, but she did everything else. and she was a hell of a worker. some managers don't give the kids a chance. I would've worked with her. but I'm not there.)- 9March: Corey tried to start a food fight at KJ's birthday party and I laid down the law real fast. gas $1.19 Randy's. - Open Season, C.J. Box "To hunt and fish in the state of Wyoming, Joe thought, people were required to buy licenses and in some cases, pass tests that proved they knew how to use firearms and knew Game & Fish regulations. There were no such requirements for having children." "We make wonderful babies...we're bringing good little people into the world, who have a mom and dad care about them and love them. They know right from wrong because their parents teach them which is which, and because their parents live by example. Somewhere, there is a reward for us, ...we need to believe that. We won't just be abandoned." - 13March: Kevin blew a back tire on Cavalier at Lineville on way to work last night. Kevin flunked hearing test second time, new tires on back of Cavalier. - 14March: Koren all As. KJ As and Bs. Koren picked up her one and only PSF check $193. she finished my RAOGK lookups today. she took KJ to Feed Bunk for lunch, too. - March16: girls and I to see Easter Bunny...and brought a real bunny home. - 19March: Kevin hearing test at Kirksville. it's nerve damage. hearing aids are approx. $2400 EACH EAR. Kevin got 2 writeups for not pulling rate in cheese, although the 2nd write up might be revoked since he went back to produce. three write ups is 3 day suspension. 22MArch02: Kate wore her princess dress and tiara to Kay's. - "Getting there is half the fun." Pepe LePew - Lord of the Nutcracker Men, Iain Lawrence "Certainly not...only heathens open gifts on Christmas Eve." - 25March: electric was out when Kevin got home from work. took him a long time to get here, there was a semi across the road somewhere and he waited adn then a snowplow cleared a path around it. Diaper Derby. KJ guarded well and ran and watched the ball but didn't get the ball his first time out.he went to the bench crying, Michael and Derek and Hannah pep talked him. He did get the ball twice next time out. Koren has decided if she raises her standards there'll be no one to date. - March28: I thought the whole 2 pounds I lost was depressing...the envelope stuffing job info I paid $24.95 for was worse. so much for my pipe dreams. - 30March: our first trip to 'inside zoo' at Blank Park Zoo. - 31March02 Kj's church Easter program. - April Fools Day: was informed by email that one of the RAOGK pics I took at Coon Cemetery had an apparition in it.... - April4: the Pella guy isn't in our PPO. will have to find another surgeon. April5: Koren won Millemon Math Award $190 some. (mentions of taking Metabolife and green tea supplements for weight loss sprinkled throughout here) - April6: Pedo was bawling and carrying on while we were feeding dogs. I said he was a whiner and Katie said, "he's too old for that whiny shit!" and she won't sing the ABC song with me cause it's not one of her hits. found ant trail in bathroom and sprayed. am I killing ants here or my family? - April10: Kate emails Santa every night. - April12: the kids that Ashley told Koren would ask her to prom did. - 13April: school carnival. girls won 2 cakes. Kj had fun putting people in jail and was put in jail, too. 14April: pulled over by Highway Patrol on way back to Mercer picking John up for soccer practice. expired tags. he asks for proof of insurance. also expired. got a ticket I can fix with proof of insurance. - 15April: met Dr. Stanley. -17April: gagged down stuff for CT scan. 18April: CT scan. Kevin and Katie dr. for sinus infection. Kevin 180. KJ school health fair 112 lbs. - planted KJ's tree Spikey. - April20: Koren did her own hair and nails for prom, says she's low maintenance. he got her a beautiful white rose corsage. there's something about a guy in a tux..... went to Grand March in rain. Koren left her date at prom to cruise with friends. her date called her looking for her. poor guy. nice guys have feelings too. - 22April: GIF tech interview. April24: GIF offered me the job. $30,000/yr and vacation after a year. turned in 2 weeks notice. Kevin says he'll quit his second job at Hy-Vee after I go to GIF. - 25April: Ellie offered me full time at DD. $18,000/yr. got lost on way to Des Moines dr. and was late. he gave us worst case scenerios. Intestine is caught in lesions. 1.5-3 hour surgery. April26: KJ Hannibal field trip, Koren applied and interviewed at Feed Bunk. - April26: Koren trained at Feed Bunk and made $2 in tips. - April29: elementary science fair. Koren made $8.50 in tiops ($2 from Grandpa Lije.) - May1: the Dailey's ate at the Feed Bunk and Koren was our waitress. Clifford the Big Red Dog went to Kay's today and Katie gave him a high 5. - May2: KJ museum trip. preop physical. 221 lbs. big tonsils. - 3May: KJ spring concert, he had solo and danced too. - 4May: day of adventure with Aunt Mary and Milner Towing. Kate walked many miles and didn't complain. she's a trooper. - 6May: KJ took a hard hit on shoulder at practice but kept going, I'm so proud of him. - 7May: presurgery drink and meds. last day at DD. left Cavalier at Willis and brought Blazer home. it kept dying on me. left it in front of post office and walked home. - 8May: surgery Iowa Lutheran. - 9May: I'm home. damn, I hurt. - 10May: last day of school. KJ reading award. Koren tons of awards. - May17: Kevin got 75 cent raise and $187 bonus. Kevin shot a coon out of Shannon Lee's tree from back porch. - May18: last pain pill. cracked hamster cage cleaning it. think Templeton is not long for this world. He fell on his side when I put him back in and he couldn't get up. - May20: first day of summer school. 43 degrees. Templeton died. Kevin dug a grave and Kate dropped him in and bawled. - Wedding Day Murder, Belsie Meier "From the first pangs of labor to the bloody birth and on through the perils of childhood, mothers learned to keep their eyes firmly fixed on the future. They poured love into their babies along with everyounche of milk, and willingly sacraficed their own health and comfort for the sake of their little ones.:" "'I take you for granted,' she said. 'You've been a good husband and father all these years. I love you.'" - MAy21: Last day surgery leave. Kevin shot at cats in basement with BB gun. removed kittens from garage. - 24May: first game, KJ fielded a ball that resulted in an out! - May25: some light duty. worked 12 hours. - May28: KJ smacked one in Miln but didn't get to first. - 31MAy: Kj batted once, fielded several balls. - June5: new a/c unit put in. - June6: brakes on Cavalier not working. stamps 33 cents. - 12June: Kevin took KJ and Kate to dentist, KJ needs ortho consult. trapped eye teeth. - June18: KJ whacked one and got on first. - June24: Rule of Thumb: when you pick your kid up from a sleepover and the kid begs to come home with you, before long they're into it. - June27: kids have been at Bible School all week. picnic today.

The Thanksgiving Feast

Koren insisted we have a Thanksgiving dinner since this was her 'last Thanksgiving at home'...she and Cody sat in a chair together, ate, then left. Katie had the worst day of her life. She was bored, no one would let her help, she didn't feel good. Kevin started the turkey, sweet potatoes, and potatoes. Katie put the candlesticks in candleholders, set the table, made the biscuits and mashed potatoes and said grace. KJ stayed home from school with diarrhea (again, had it Monday, too.). Haley was out when I went out to feed the leftovers. Kevin did dishes. I laid around and just couldn't get up and move. the weather, I guess. I am just hibernating.

dear diary:

June2004: got my unused vacation pay today. - June17: my dad is 60 - June16: Koren is offically enrolled at MWSC. - June14: brought Kevin home. all 6th grade grad pics were overexposed. sad face. - June13: Kj, Koren, Cody, & I visited Kevin afternoon, he has gas pains now and on solid food. Kate opted to stay with Jennifer next door. (as she very often does. thank God we have the option).he is pacing the hospital corriders with his IV pole. he is braver than me. I never left the safety of the walls by my room with the railings. take a different configuration of visitors with me everyday...yesterday it was Katie and Jennifer next door who appears to be our new nanny. - June11: woke up exactly 6 a.m. with a feeling of general unease, I don't know how Kevin put up with the stress of keeping things going at home during my hospital stays...last night at bedtime I asked Katie to say a prayer for daddy, I don't normally hold stock in such things, but I thought it'd make her feel better, and she is a pro at praying. - June27: VBS, Kate dressed herself, her flag shirt and neon green shorts, bright red lipstick and an asst. of bracelets. She's gimping around pretty bad today. KJ was less thrilled to get up on stage, but his Rick the Brick looks good in the rock garden, Corey and Alisha's may end up there, too. - June26: gave up my Sat. off to work 9-4. Kevin mowed banks, made supper, a recipe off a sauce jar. Kate was looking for a snack and a big can of sweet potatoes fell out of pantry and on her big toe and 2nd toe, looks like she'll lose the big toenail, pretty gruesome. - June24: the Cavalier is on the side of HWY 65 by Spickard waiting for Willis to tow it in and look it over...has Betsy Blue Bell bit the dust? Kevin and I discuseed transportation options. - June23: Kevin, Kate, KJ, and I to Gladstone for KJ to have 2 more teeth pulled re: braces. it was a rough ride home, he doesn't deal with pain well, lots of hyperventiliating, sobbing, moaning. (a chip off this old block, poor kid.) Kevin slept in bed last night...he had been sleeping in recliner since surgery. - June22: Kevin snaked basement, Koren and I tracked bad odor to under fridge and tackled it. Kevin, Kate, & I to help Lije move cows, and picked up KJ to supper at Feedbunk with Lije and Nancy. - June21: Lije took Kevin to get his stitches out, then they went fishing. I called looking for him about 8 p.m. Nancy said they were cleaning fish. he asked Dr. when he could have sex, and he told him today, but not over 3 times. - June18: I took day off to take Katie to see the Laura Ingalls Wilder story teller. I had a good time, anyway. - July15: I left work early to grab Kate and KJ for their photography session and went to Mc Donalds as promised where we ate outside and the park for an hour where Kate put on a show in the little kids playground, drinks at Caseys and dumped kids home with Koren so I could meet Kevin at Carolyn's visitation, but he wsa still in hayfield. I sat by Aunt Freeda and mom and dad. Koren's car wouldn't start (again!) on Mercer square, so she and Kate walked home. Kate had on her too-big Cantel shoes. I need to put them up where she can't find them. she has blisters from hell. - July14: Kevin mowed hay for Lije. - July10: Cody called Koren from Princeton Caseys, water pump out of his truck and needed a ride.... - July5: KJ to church camp. - July1: Kevin, Kate, and I to reading rendevous, Kate had great fun with the games but was bored by story tellers. which included Calamity Jane and the 9th generation granddaughter of Pocohontas and a girl in deerskin dress with turtle shell purse. KJ was going to go but couldn't put on a shirt over his sunburn today. Katie's toenail hasn't fell off yet, but she bumped it at program and it was bleeding big time, but our retired superintendant gave her the emergency bandaid he carries in his billfold. - June30: Katie and I tried to go swimming, pool was closed, played at park instead. - June29: work really sucks, just 3 of us. 4:00 days. Katie had insomnia and shared it with me. I shut off my alarm and overslept and was late to work. KJ is really sunburnt from swimming at lake. - June28. Larry thinks it's the head gasket, $250 mimimum and hasn't tore into it. Kevin thinks we'll junk it. Koren driving my car for now. I hate to retire her, she's been a good car. - July17: Kevin and Koren have decided Monday is the day to apartment hunt in St Joe. Mom told me Thursday night that she cried all the way home the night I got married, she couldn't believe I was gone. She doesn't know what she'll do when John leaves, and she thinks he'll go to Nashville after the election, he has friends there and vacations there. I don't know. after all the years of massive laundry and cooking and dishes and mediating fights and picking up after people then to have the house get cleaner and quieter...so far I'm ok with Koren leaving. so far. In a way we don't see much of her anyway, just occasional stacks of laundry we put in her room, or stack her mail on her bed, taping phone messages to her door....but as long as her stuffs all here it's not so bad. - Unusually Stupid Americans A Compenduium Of All-American Stupidity, Kathryn Petras and Ross Petras " 'Many Americans' want to be rich, this explains the popularity of lotto, powerball, and casinos, but what of those of us who haven't pillaged a complany, married and divorced a wealthy spouse, or won lotto? - Aug4: Kevin to St Joe with Koren and Cody to job hunt. Koren has the Hyvee job sewn up. - July28: Kevin, Kj, Katie,and I to mom and dads, Aunt Freeda, Uncle Jerry, Aunt Mary, Lisa, Max, and Logan there. - July27: Kevin, KJ, and I to Villisca movie at Leon. Kate opted to stay with Jennifer. - July26: someone wrote on bathroom wall, hall wall, and kitchen cabinet with black permanent marker. Katie thinks it was probably dad. - July25: Kevin back to work. - my right big toe is painfully infected. may have to go to Dr. - Aug8: Kj woke me up for church, so I got Kate up, she got to be QUEEN ESTHER in a play they did in childrens church and she was just glowing when I went to pick her up. Koren will soon be gone. when you hold your first baby, you know you'll never let them go. but it back to work, then school and friends sleepovers, then a week at Girl Scout camp, then graduation and college...it is time. she's too smart to hang around her partying and working . it will be so weird for all of us. - Aug7: Powell's Gardens. KJ, Kate, and I. wasn't paying attention and missed a turn so took longer getting there. Science is KJ's favorite subject, he read signs to us and Katie is endless fascinated with bugs, a very good day. drove home from this side of Lexington on a donut, blew a tire.. a nice stopped and changed it for me. I couldn't get my jack to work. I can drag a rotten bloated 600 lb sow through 3 barns on a 6' tall cart with a flat tire, but I can't change a tire on my fucking car. - Aug5: I honestly haven't seen Koren to ask her, she came home that day and changed clothes and left, I came home the next day and she was asleep in the chair, and I went to the bathroom and came out and she was gone, she didn't come home last night and had went to work when I came home, so I went through her college backpack (honest to God I almost cried when I saw she had her highlighters and pens and mechanical pencils and notecards arranged in it!) and she has a Mead Bungee. She is very particular about her notebooks, her 5 stars have to be 5 subjects....I have been pretty smug about how I'm dealing with everything. I did actually bawl at graduation, but not till they did the slide show. Koren had put it together, there was the pic of her sitting on the dishwasher at Eagleville helping me make cookies, one of her wearing Kevin's Pioneer seedcorn cap, and Kevin holding her on the seat of one of Lije's antique tractors, her and Cody at prom, a senior picture...I got it together, then her friend Danielle's mom hugged her and hugged her (her mom was in a bad car wreck and isn't quite all right in the head anymore) and I was snot head to toe. I couldn't go thru the reception line they do afterward, I couldn't even get a pic of Katie hugging her, but Kate's babysitter got a picture of them. - Aug26: Koren called from first football game and can't find her financial aid papers. I looked everywhere. thought I gave them to her. - Aug. 27: Koren still hasn't found papers. - Aug. 28: papers are found. - Aug25: Katie has 2 cavaties. - Aug22: kids and I visited Koren. helped her do laundry, got home and Lije had left mower here, so started on yard. Kj came out once to tell me it was 8:00 so I wouldn't stress out about not getting done, then Kate toldme she'd almost got the rabbit in the door...she had pushed his cage across deck to door! -Aug21: Koren has Griffon football players asking her out. Mr. Bunny has spent his days on the deck, bring him in at night. - Sept9: soccer practice. katie still won't play. Sept7: someone stole Koren's stereo and her fave CD was in it. all her classwork on computer, she was taking a quiz and it froze up and timed her out. KJ got his 2 english classes up to a C now. when he missed school for orthodontist, she expects him to stay after for tutoring to make up the class...he got several zeros before he figured it out...and that he has to ASK her for missed work, she won't automatically hand it out like an elementary teacher.. he loves soccer. Kate has quit. she got hit in the face with a ball first practice and wouldn't play, wouldn't go to 2nd practice, I made her go today and she was fine until the other coach was yelling at the kids to "hustle, hustle, no walking on this team" and her face crumpled and she started the gasping for air crying thing again (an identical twin to the panic attacks KJ still has from time to time . and I let her sit down. the other coach has a son on the little kid team, but she is much better with the big kids. she was worried that I wouldn't help coach if Kate won't play. I;ll still be there. last year was feel good soccer. this year is not. - aug31: Koren to Dr, bladder infection. KJ lost his backpack, it was found right where he left it. - Aug30th. Kj got his first english grade. F. he didn't go to tutoring, he got a zero in PE because he didn't turn in the signed sheet thing we now can't find. I don't think either of uw will survive this. - Sept16: koren called, she has sold plasma twice this week. it's a 2 hour process and you get real cold afterwards. - Sept15: Kate's filling, a model patient. - Sept14: Kj appt. re: gross motor development. 5'6 1/2" 123 lbs. - Sept15: Kevin hit another deer in Monte on way home from work. Kate has to turn in a page about herself for the class book. she wants to draw a picture instead of using a photograph of herself. while we were unloading the mega pigs the driver had to lower chute for bottom deck and there was the most horrible smell. he squished a skunk under the chute. - Sept25: Kj picked his first Stephen King book to read-Pet Semetery. - Sept17: orthodontist took off rubberbands, when the gaps close in a few months, he's done! have a refund coming. no more monthly payments. - KJs first BB game is Oct 11, they average 3 a week well into November. Kate will be drug to many, many games and kept out past her badtime. I'm sure she enjoys being the baby. not to mention that mom will be a bit cranky, what with having to drag john't mom to games, to her credit, the woman will plainitively tell you she wants to be a part of her kids life, I would like to tell her that a good way to be involved would be to get a drivers license and quit expecting everyone to drag her around, in the last 2 years I have drug her to every home and away elementary BB game, Kevin refuses to ride with her so we take 2 cars. sometimes he won't even sit by me if she does. I really need to take charge of my ife and get rid of this annoying bloodsucking friend of my son's mom. - Oct9 on way home from "Without a Paddle" Kate said "I see a falling star! Quick, mom, close your eyes so I can make a wish!" - Oct8: the 19th anniversary of the arrival of Koren Marie Dailey. Kevin wanted to take her out to lunch but she was too busy. Kate and I met her on the road, she said hi and left a note on the door. she had to go see Jessie. - Oct7: Kate lost her first tooth at recess in the old gym today. it was so loose and Mrs. Osborne pulled it out. the tooth got lost, so she gave her a cardboard tooth and a tooth eraser. parent meeting for fall festival. - Oct6: wrote Koren's bday poem..how many years have I been bawling my way through these sappy things??? - Oct4: woke up at same exact time I'm supposed to be at work. great way to start the week. - Oct3: kate and I played at Princeton park...firebreathing dragons and princesses and living in trees...she made a feast of berries and sand. I remember KJ and I used to play Jurassic Park on the jeep, the dinosaurs were coming to get us. and Ghostly Jesse James on the horse merry go round trying to go fast enough to rob the train. - Oct.2: Kate not only wouldn't play, she didn't even go to game. I can take some comfort in the fact that my sister in law was a coach last year and her son only went to 1 practice before he quit...Kate went to 2 and played 2 1/2 games before announcing her retirement.

dear diary:

March6 2004: Stacy pool, kate played 'pretend you can smell a mermaid but then you see me and I'm a log..jar of peanut butter...the sun...a jar of jelly....bottle of water...bottle of pepsi...jar of ice...watermelon...peach...apple...a bottle of human blood.... - March10: Kevin replaced pipes under bathroom and kitchen sinks! March3: first elementary BB practice, amazing to watch KJ run with those long legs of his. Katie was crying worrying that since Kevin and I are old we'll die when she was little and no one would take care of her. I told her Koren and KJ would take care of her. she thought they might die, too, and before you knew it, she had ALL of us dead. - Feb27: koren and cody took day off school to celebrate his birthday. - Feb23: Koren got the Bright Flight Scholarship: $1000/semester! - Feb26: Koren accepted into Missouri Western honors college. - Feb19: got our new Dell computer. Koren The Homecoming Candidate on front page...she, Danielle, and Megan dressed up as Charlie's Angels for todays Homecoming Week contest and won first place! - Stacy bitched at KJ and Katie-and about Koren, for good measure...and I keep thinking, what kind of dumbass bitches at the person hauling them around for free, going out of my way to pick them up and take them home, donating hours of my diminishing life to them, and THEN bitches about how disrespectful MY CHILDREN are? - April Fools Day 2004: Koren is pone of the recipents of the PSF Scholarship! - March11: the new guy went to the office and accused me and Martha of smacking pigs heads on the concrete, so Cliff came in to question all of us. Not that he told me or Martha, Don told us. and this asshole will work my weekend, of course. production managers will supposedly be checking the dead pigs in our chute. 2 emails today about "Stop the Christian Bashers". are you afraid of a little persecution? has happened to Christians throughout history. if you believe, you believe. you can't make us all believe. worry about your own damn self. - Graduation is a grim family affair that must be endured. - took KJ to see The Passion of the Christ, even though my father-in-law assured me that no onde under 16 should see the movie. we were running late and slid into our seats as the movie started. have you guys seen it? it is gruesome. the hardest part for me was when Jesus fell carrying the cross and his mom flashed back to when he fell as a child adn she ran to him, then she was running to him now...how can a mother watch that? KJ got real squirmy. I told him on the way home, if you believe the Bible, that is what happened. and that when you have a message people want stopped, they kill you. Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King.... - April8: Koren won the Millemon Math Award. $52. - June Kevin's appendix came out today. it's a small hospital so they had to assemble a surgery team, and he went in at 4 p.m. his appendix was twisted up behind his intestines or something, they had to call in another dr. to used forceps and make a much bigger incision than they'd planned. he never had a fever, white cell count wasn't up. pain was too high, they were thinking gall bladder. Kevin old them to go ahead and do something, he couldn't take it anymore. his appendix was rotten, almost to the point of blowing. they shook their head, wondering how it could be that bad and not have classic symptoms. 10-June: Kevin to dr. CAT scan. blood work . in hospital for observation. - June9: Kevin still c/o stomach pain but will he go to DR??? - June7: Kate has a pet toad that lives behind the house she catches and plays with.

dear diary

Jan. 10th 2003 sick all night. went to work. spent a lot of time in office feeling sorry for myself. The Wind Done Gone, Alice Randall "Mothers grow flaccid, rich in baby love, each baby taking some of the mother's beauty as if the baby knows it needs to protect it's babyself by making Mama less kiss-daddy pretty. Each baby knows the baby to come takes something away from the baby in arms, so little Jenny and little Carrie cry in the night just when Daddy's rising. They gray Mama's hair and suck the fullness out of her breast. Filling her heart with such love, she don't need to look in the mirror to see who she is." - Jan 5th. told KJ I had baked his Totino's Party Pizza to perfection and he quipped, "medium burnt?" Jan 20: Koren has a friend who wants her to loan her $150, she is skipping work and overdrawn and can't make her car payment. - Jan. 19: after chuch, Monte door wouldn't shut at all, had to hold it shut on way home. Koren says her and Cody will marry on Oct 6, 2004, he set the date for some anniversary (sounds eerily like Kevin and I about 20 years ago....). She will go to Graceland and he will go to vo tech somewhere near so they can be together...Kate and 3 dolly friends helped me feed dogs. Kkoren did dishes. - Katie and KJ's current argument is where all it snows. Kate says everywhere. KJ says she is stupid. Kate swam alone at Stacy Center with a noodle floatie "I don't need you except for a ride home!" - Jan 14: Kate & to DG for Sarah's bday gift, she picked out a feather pen, 2 purses with jewelry, 'tippy' shoes, and an old maid game, then drew all over her card. Kate looked up at me and said, "I should get a birthday this good." Larissa is staying with us for awhile. yesterday the Cavalier died on Koren, she told Kevin at school, but it was at Princeton Casey's while she was skipping school taking Larissa to courthouse and going to Bethany-she got it back to Mercer square, then Willis towed it in. I had a flat tire after work. kids grade cards. A- Current Events, Accounting II, Chemistry. A American Lit, Spanish, US History II, Business Tech 1 for Koren. Reading B+, Language D+, Spelling B+, Science 100% A, Social Studies A-, Band A- for KJ. THE WIND DONE GONE, alice Randall "Once upon a time I was as hungry for him as today we are hungry for breakfast." "And now, thirty years into my life, my life half over, I am always looking backward, trying to rearrange my memories, rearrange and dust, celebrate and protect, all those antique memories, sticks that came into the house of my mind without me paying them no mind at all, sticks that have become my treasure." - Jan. 24: kids out of school early today, their superintendant was in a wreck on the way to school, was lifeflighted, and died at 10:20 a.m. school was dismissed at 12:20. he was retiring at the end of this year. The Love Letter, Cathleen Schine "Her existance was blessed by her child's childhood." "When Helen was growing up, her mother treated her like an adult, who for reasons no one cared to go into, was too small to reach the light switches." "...saw his mother standing protectively beside him, saw her hand on his arm. You held him when he was small enought to cary on your shoulder...you cradled him in your arms. You smoothed back his damp hair at night. You kissed his soft, childs cheek as he slept. You heard his breath, the murmur as he stirred, as he settled back with a sleepy smack of his lips, a sigh." "Letters are concrete. They are history." - Wildwood Boys, /James Carlos Blake. "It't not how long you been someplace that makes it home." Jan. 21: Kevin asked me last night if I thought I could be pregnant. I reminded him he was the one who watched them slice and dice on my reproductive parts. he replied tha tI'm just acting pregnant. - Feb.2: Katie is calling me "Mother" now. even KJ is saying "just call her Mom!" Chuckie to the other babies on Rugrats: "If you think eating carpet lint is fun, wait till you fall in love." Feb1: $1400 overdrawn. Kevin called bank, we're actually just $700 overdrawn (just) after my paycheck hit. didn't pay any bills. not a single one. Kind of like we're here in our ranch house with our 4 vehicles and all the modern conveniences but it's really the 1800's and the crops done gone bad and the bank won't give us more money.... - Feb7: Katie wants to live in a rainbow house and have a real pony. - Feb6: PSF fired 22 people yesterday in security and office. 5 returned checks. - Feb 4: KJ said Miss Janet told him he was too colorful today, he wore his new Lands End outfit...he matched orange pants with a yellow shirt. - Feb.3: Koren doesn't make a hobby out of testifying against people and getting restraining orders like her friends...today she had to take Larissa to Princeton because Robert pushed her and broke her arm the other night and she told whoever treated her at hospital what happened so now the state is involvee and she had to talk to Lou. kind of mean of me to be relieved we're not the only ones sinking in financial quagmire; Aaron at work in filing bankruptcy. even when we filed bankruptcy we weren't in this bad of shape...and can't file again till Dec. 2003. Kevin kept giving me that look when I was sitting on the floor looking at Katie's valentines from Kays. when he left I asked him if he was going to divorce me and he said he hadn't decided yet and turned his head but I saw him smile so hope he's kidding. - Feb13: Kevin is so tired and coughing and probably has pnemonia. he got a whopping 7.5 hours of vacation at Hy-Vee for the year. KJ's group place 7th out of 40 with their Old Yellow Fruit Car entry. - Feb12: Koren will be Mistress of Ceremonies for Homecoming! KJ tried out for spelling bee under his own iniative and got 5th place! Korne will be a judge at the Fruit Races tomorrow. - Feb10th: Koren and Cody came walking in and she had an open beer in her hand. on a school night. - Feb.8th. borrowing money from kids piggy banks to buy groceries. not a proud moment. Big Kelly doll has her own coat hanger in the family coat closet. - Feb 17: played our favorite at home game show Pick Your Chore. I've never seen a kid who liked to eat snow as much as Katie. - Feb.16: a local man in jail in Des Moines on $6500 bond for meth production. the story is he was busted making meth in his truck in a Walmart parking lot after purchasing stuff in there...he has a wife and 3 small kids. Koren says there is an unmarked cop truck now and they have cameras posted on apartments, the bridge, at the lake getting info for big drug bust. everyone has to make a living...god knows we both have 'good' jobs and are having a hell of a time getting by. we're living 2003 on a wing and a prayer. you gotta do what you gotta do. and who is really getting hurt by meth dealers? they're not tying down babies and doing experiments on them with it or anything. and it's not like he's living the good life driving an old truck and old car trying to buy groceries with profits from his independent business. there are so many more important things our tax dollars could be doing....affordable daycare...parks...new bridges and road work...school and library improvements...you throw the meth dealer in jail and what are his wife and family supposed to do? they won't stop it anymore than setting age limits on buying cigarettes and alcohol keeps teens from partying .....look how good prohibition worked. although I have to admit Carrie Nation was a cool historical character. Koren went to Cody's and I gave her the icy-roads-be-cautious-don't-be-out-late-and-for-gods-sake-take-the-car-phone-speil while she was backing out the door. - Feb15: out of bread. and pepsi. Lije sold Pedro. $500. disconnect letter from city. Katie and KJ are fighting, she is bawling, he told her she was too stupid to play his DBZ card game...then told her he didn't mean stupid like dumb, he meant stupid like too little and she doesn't like to be too little. - Feb14: had to talke to Glenda at bank to cash my live check, I went through drive through, they took check and told me to come in. she had to approve me keeping any $$$ at all. this is what my life has come to. the checkers were staring at me. it was very embarrassing. especially after spending all day working in a fucking pig barn. - Feb21: it's hard to appreciate my little angels most days. Feb.21: Kevin's check is now live, too. paying bills cash only and money orders. won't be afraid to go to mailbox. Lost Katie at Ragan's, she went outside while I was shopping, Mryon brought her back in. groceries cost a little more there, but you can't beat that smalltown service of returning your wandering children to you. - Feb18: told KJ we'd have to postpone a big friends birthday party till the end of March, he told me he doesn't care about friends parties anymore. to be quite honest, I think I'm the only one who thinks a birthday means a huge friends gala with a fortune invested in it and countless hours of worrying and planning is important, when you look at the pictures, KJ doesn't seem to be having much fun at these events. Refund check came today, paid overdue bills. - Feb24: Katie wrote her name in snow with a stick tonight while we were feeding dogs. - Feb22: I used to read every book I started no matter how boring or awful...abut after I finally made it through Gabriel Someones Love and Death In The Time Of Cholera I don't waste my time. - In Lizzie Borden: The Untold Story, Edward D. Radin Bridget the maid did it, in Lizzie Borden, The Truth, The Legend, The Final Chapter her illigetimate brother did it. - March 7: approved for Debtscape. pay $350/month. - March3: Kate was using her magic to get rid of 'the cuts' on my face (wrinkles.) - March18: KJ had stress attack at game. Kate ran pell mell. Kevin got the dryer running, but it won't dry. I have faith in him, he's worked miracles before. - March16: Kate was very happy to have Grandma Janet as her guest for Kite Day. KJ had the most guests and won the big kite, and gave it to his friend John, who was one of his guests. Kvein spent the day replacing water pipes in the basement. Kate had lucky arch13: PT conference. KJ is doing good, more confident and relaxed, more coordinated, writing better, Mr. Tilley told me to come home and give him a hug, that he was a good kid and smart as a whip. - March12: Coach says that KJ has the most heart on the team and that's more important than talent. - Married Lust: "Obviously, no one told you about babies. To say that babies and the little people they grow into are marriage wreckers would be a bit on the strong side, and you most certainly and absoultely do not harbor resentment towards yours or any regrets about your decision to have them. You wanted them. You prayed for the. And now, with each passing day, you find more and more delight in them. Somehow, though, in your fantasy of what it would be like to have a family together, you did not picture this: exhaustion, the work, the demands, the endless chores, the unreliable babysitters, the impossibility of finishing a sentence or even a complete thought. You did not picture sudden wailing at 11 p.m., just when you finally were about to drift off, or the insistent little knocks at 6 a.m. when you finally achieved REM sleep after being up most of the night, cleaning up throw-up from too many pizza-flavored cheese curds you warned them not to eat before bed! No, and you most certainly did not, for the life of you, imagine having to race out of bed on Saturday morning, which once was hang time and cuddle time and cath-up-on-the-week time, to deliver someonen to T-ball or the Little Minnow Fishing Derby. This was not-repeat, not-what you had in mind when you decided to have children, was it?" - Elementary health fair KJ is 5', weight 118, BP 110/80, no scoliosis. - March21: doing something I've never done before, taking a day off for a sick kid. I forgot to pick KJ up from BB practice. Koren is doing note cards for a kid in her class...he's paying her $30. - Married Lust: "So, no. this wasn't what you had in mind when you decided to have kids, and yet here you are. And so you say to yourself, well, it's only eighteen years, after all, and as long as we squeeze in chunks of time together here and there, we'll be okay. Except that now you suddenly start to notice that every time you come downstairs with another load of laundry, your husband is plopped on the couch, legs spread, channel clicker in hand, looking really, really relaxed. And you think, I HATE HIM. You've also noticed another interesting detail you'd somehow missed before: No matter how loud the wailing in the middle of the night, your husband seems to be able to sleep right through it, right up to your return to bed, when he rolls over and with that sleepy lover's gaze, says, "You're up? Oh, good. Let's have sex." And then proceeds to try to stick his prized self right up your nightgown, and you think, I'LL KILL HIM. Just as you think when he comes home Friday night to tell you, hey, isn't it great, Joe was able to get a boat for the weekend, and so it looks like they're heading out fishing at the crack of dawn Saturday, and maybe Sunday, too! No, you don't regret having kids. YOU REGRET HAVING HIM. Quite frankly, he's not singing your praises too loudly these days, either, because to his mind all you ever do is nag. And criticize. And give him a hard time about everything. No matter what he does, it's never right. Or, if it's right, it's never appreciated, just sort of expected. God forbid he should ask you a question, like just yesterday, when he asked you where the milk was. Okday, so maybe he was standing in front of the fridge, but the way you reacted, my God, you'd think the man had committed a crime against humanity! WHO NEEDS THIS? he's thinking. After all, you're not his mother! Right about now, your husband does not want to hear one more word about the house chores and who's done what lately. Not one more word. Not to mention the fact that in his view you never, ever want to have sex anymore because you're always too tired, blah, blah, blah, whine, whine, whine. Why, he secretly growls, can't you just let up once in a while, and go back to the way you used to be, you know....BEFORE. When you used to hang on to every word of his stories about work and you were willing to stay up past 10:30 p.m. and occasionally you paid him the great compliment of wanting to jump his bones, instead of rebuffing him, for what seems like the millionth time, when he makes a grab for yours. Or, at the very least, could you get a sitter just once before the kids are old enough for college, so you can get out alone together, even if it's just for a quiet dinner without interruptions and some one-on-one conversation, that, please, God, does not center on the children? Maybe ask him how HE'S doing.....Grrrrr.... (and by the way, are you really going to wear those same sweatpants, AGAIN?)" - April Fools Day: now eBay has suspended my account for nonpayment - March31: sun is shining and it's day one of twelve-in-a-row, Katie, KJ, & I made an epic trek to Ragan's for a 2L of pepsi. KJ took his own $$$ and rented himself a movie and got a pepsi out of the machine. Katie was using the receipt as a map and trying to find the car. KJ decided to walk home and fell down and ripped both knees out of his pants and skinned up a knee. - April10: Kate was starting her map-to-find-the-car bit and KJ walked home. now she wants to walk home too, so picked up the groceries, left the car, and walked home after her. Grandpa Lije passed her on street and stopped to show her the fish he'd caught....I lagged at least a block behind her all the way home, and to her credit, she found her way. don't knkow which I regretted more: wearing sandals or buying a half gallon of ice cream. - - April6: got called in the wee a.m. hours to fix a heater, then had to stay until 4 a.m while Darrell fixed the heater. - April5: band carnival. Kj won a Caseys pizza, Koren a Mercer Pizza Plus pizza, Kate won 3 cakes on cake walk. - I was in the community Easter service, Koren and Cody came along to watch Kate while I was onstage. in the program I was listed as another area Debbie. the Rev. made an announcement that I was Debbie Dailey. a bit embarrassing. - April17: Dad says Uncle Willie was always proclaiming he had 'the power' at church, he was usually drunk. Lisa said Maggie Smith's obit said she was raised by Mae & Frank from 18 months. she left $10,000 to a charity when she knew one of her kids needed the money. Grandpa tried to get it back and of course, didn't. Grandpa didn't want to find his missing siblings until right before he died. Mae knew all about Maggies history but refused to answer any questions. - April15: someone at Trenton found Koren's ring, her and Cody went to pick it up. - April12: Koren was beautiful. they were late to line up for vehicle procession. - April25: preschool screening. Katie is 3'7"m 46lb. bonus check $140.11. - April23: Koren elected NHS President. - April20 went to work early so I could leave for church Easter program. Mom came. everyone told me what a wonderful singer Kate is. KJ had an extra part shoved on him yesterday but did a good job. - April19: KJ woke me up by standing over the bed and touching me...that scares the holy bejesus out of me. he'd thrown up. the threw up again shortly after. - we don't have the money for dual credit classes for Koren. the only ones she gets are the ones she earns with test scores. I never thoguth it was fair to have to work your way through high school. I never expected her to pay for everything. but this is something we just can't swing. - Kevin and I went to movies, Katie was asleep when we got home. she woke up at 2 a.m and was up until just before my alarm went off. just the way I like to start my twelve-in-a-row. - - May2: Koren ACT 29. 99% English and reading, 89% science, 49% math, 95% overall. - the first day of May: Aaron told me this amusing little story at break a guy in another barn had told him about making Koren cry when she worked in his barn. takes a real man to pick on a teenage girl. work with some real winners. - The Bottoms, Joe R. Lansdale. "Only our memories allow that some people ever existed. That they mattered, or mattered too much." "Mose's grave got lost among the trees and brambles, and now there's a parking lot and savings and loan built over it. It's like he never existed." - Nov. 29: took kids to see SANTA CLAUS 2 at Corydon, running late, we were the first ones to be told NO SEATS. - May10: stopped by Mel's on way home from work and watched Koren's prom hair in progress. Koren and Cody left for prom in torrential downpour, she had her Fox hoodie over her head and her dress and shoes in plastic bag. - May9: katie is trying to perfect the delicate art of peeing outside. - May8: spring concert. Kj had a solo. he came very close to a panic attack, looking up at ceiling, blinking back tears and gasping for air. he lost his sheet music. he finally told me what was wrong, I went to where I'd seen him drop the music and got it. all was well. -

dear diary

Aug. 2 2002: Kevin got the full time Hy-Vee job. he turned in 2 weeks notice today and PSF and I'll take over the insurance since I'm full time again. - 6 Aug: the surgeon told me "if I were you, I'd never lift again and get a different job." - 9 Aug: Kate thinks I need help in all areas of my life. she's probably got a valid point. you don't get to be an AI tech by making a lot of wise decisions in life. I could use the guidance of a wise 3 year old. - 10 Aug: I timed our lunch at McDonalds. a new record 1 hour and 10 minutes. Katie is such a slow eater and I get such a headache there. - Aug28: first it was $1 toaster I got at mom's store years ago burning everything...the sewer never working right....the tv in my room button won't push in...the phone quit... the mgr. and asst. mgr. had a little concerned chat with me re: why I appear not to like my job and what can they do to make it all better. they just find me so enjoyable to work with and hate to think I'd leave them. uh-huh. - Aug 30 Katie is kicking KJ in the head because he's lying in her spot on the floor. they're such a joy. if only they were sextuplets. - 31Aug: Koren and the Blazer never did come home. no phone calls. no notes on door. I keep thinking of that 'hot' guy running the slide. and of Clinton in her class running off with the carnival. and the unsolved mysteries I catch when Koren watches it. and of course the true life murder books I read. Koren did come home. I was supposed to know she was spending the night at Brandi's. - Sept. 5 Koren to Dr, she has Scarletina, a form of strep. Sept 27: Willis Garage was on fire when I went to work this morning. bought the '97 2 door Monte Carlo - 28Sept: Kj used to be my sweet little boy, now he delights in pissing people off. he gets Kate going and she leaps on him and pulls his hair and bites him...I really don't think they're my children. I think my real children are much nicer. - 30Sept: Koren headed to Lineville in the Blazer, it broke down on her, she tried to call home and didn't disconnect from internet so she couldn't call us, KJ's baseball coach's wife brought her home. Koren assures me everything would be fine if KJ hadn't been born, and he in turn reassures me that everything would be ok if Katie hadn't been born and Katie gets all weepy if ANYTHING happened before she was born . ANYTHING. she wanted to be first. - Oct4: KJ reading Hank the Cowdog books from school library. he practices his baritone, all the songs sound like Go Tell Aunt Rhodie The Old Gray Goose Is Dead. Kate wants an instrument too, she found a recorder and whistle and practices with him. - 7Oct Koren driving Lumina, it blew a tire, she went into side of overhead bridge and shredded rim. - 8Oct - Blazer died on Kevin - Oct9: I found the Boar Stud Riser Note this morning. Whoopee. (and this was the last I ever heard of a note being taped to a riser while I was there. the first 2 times note was placed, it wasn't found. I made damn sure I found it and put it right on Mr. Asshole's desk. it was the highlight of my day.) - 16 Oct: don't bid against me on eBay, my used name is deb_dailey. - Veggie Tales Bob: "just HOW much stuff do you need to be happy, Larry?" and Larry replies, "how much stuff if there?" - 10/25: when I come home in a bad mood, Katie asks "What did Bryan make you do today?" (handwashing feed boxes with a brush. ) KJ said, "Don't worry, Mom, you can quit after you get the Monte Carlo paid off." 10/31: former coworkers wife told me at school Halloween party that Wade 3 had an opening. swore I'd never go back but I find myself in a lower level of Hell.....never say never. - Nov 4 turned in 2 weeks verbal notice at GIF. 11/08: Koren had a flat tire after school, couldn't call home since we were online...she picked up Kate at Kay's and got a ride home from a class sponsor, Kevin went to school and changed tire. - Nov9: wasted another day of my life at the boar stud. arrived in the predawn dusk and left in the final throes of sunset. I verified that all semen processed was up to standards, and tomorrow bleary eyed breeders will open their koolatrons and remove bags of semen and A.I. sows and in 116 days pigs will be born. - Nov13: our little cabin in the woods will have a laundry room with side by side washer and dryer. (Kevin told me he'd make sure there was a tree next to the crek to hang clothes up when we built our log cabin.) and floor to ceiling bookshelves in our room and den. the kitchen will be small. don't plan on spending much time there. there will be chairs on front and back porches to watch sunrises and sunsets. and we'll have a huge walk in closet with floor to ceiling shelves and cubicles built in. a bay window with window seat in our room and an overstuffed chair in the corner for reading. hell, maybe even a hammock in the yard for late afternoon naps. - 11/22: a total stranger touched my shoulder at mcdonalds tonight after she and her husband had watched us eating...and said, "I want to commend you on your children's behavior." 11/20: Wade 3 has changed....boars on leashes, plastic floors in nursery, g barn curtains opening from bottom, powdered feed, but milk splatters are still in my bathroom from pumping milk for Katie long ago.... - Backroads Tawny O'Dell. "Every woman had her weakness." "I've always figured when a mother sees the big one coming and the sky light up like a thousand suns, she sees her children's in every one of them. Callie would've thought about her kids as she faced down Amber. She wouldn't have thought about herself. Not her boyish, banker husband or the grandfather who gave her the hills she loved. Not me or the God she was on her way to see. She would have thought about her kids and how they were going to wake up in the middle of the night, for years to come, calling for her, and seh wouldn't be able to get to them. She's going to hear them, too. No matter where she ends up. Heaven. Hell. Or some netherworld in between. She's going to hear them call to her. That's the worst part about the whole thing. Damning Callie and her kids to that fate. They deserved better." - Dec3: Kate and I to our first PAT meeting. - Dec2: KJ to dr, not strep but he's miserable. antibiotics. Kate decided she's sick, too. she has cancer. - Dec. 16: mouse in car has chewed up seatbelt, Kleenix, lining of my Carhart coat, and atm slips in glovebox. - Dec10: Koren was only cheerleader at game again. -Dec20: Koren skipped school to go to Dr, xrayed her nose, something is curved. - Dec19: a little after 10 pm phone rang, Koren and Cody in wreck by my boss's house. truck caught on fire, caught a field on fire, fire dept. the way. they walked to my boss's house. cody cut his chin, korens teeth hurt. - JAn3: Mercer no longer has a cheer squad. - Dec27 gas $1.39.