What a scream! You have survived the first cut and advanced into the Gauntlet Round! Secure your spot in the Top 15 of your Group by next Thursday and you will be one big step closer to Buffalo Bill's House, Kane Hodder, Rue Morgue, 13k, and the independent movie role!

I'm leavin' on a jet plane I don't know when I'll be back again 🛫🛫🛫

actually, I'll be back Tuesday night.

Tuesday.

Kevin got the job he bid, so he'll start working M-F next week. finished powerwashing house. checked in with Southwest on the app. mowing day. visited the grandbabies for about an hour. keep coming up with more panic attack things to google about flying.

dear dairy. starting 16April2001

KAte had the Wiley Coyote bottle at bedtime and now it's just ....gone.

17April. Kate and I to specialist. Boy Scouts here. KJ hurt his knee. Kevin worked at Lije's. I bought a box of steaks for $321 with box of chicken free from a traveling truck. (wtf. this seems like a rash decision.) Lumina windshield wiper $100. Cavalier needs brakes. he found the bottle under our bed this morning. gas $1.59/gallon Coryon. Koren borrowed a prom dress from Ashley. Kevin says he'll apply at HyVee Warehouse tomorrow. Koren's class is making designs for park to present to city council. KJ jumped 4' in broad jump at Scouts. and did 15 chin ups.

18April. KAtie up about 2 a.m. I dozed in chair and she woke me up when she needed something. when my alarm went off she said 'time to get up. are you grouchy?'

set up surgery May 1. I'll miss Cub Scout banquet and Omaha Zoo Trip. Kj seems ok with it.

19April. CD ROM hasn't worked since Katie put baby wipe in it.Koren bidding on ebay. Katie using potty on her own some. lined up John to get kids where they need to go surgery day.

20April bonus check $487.

21April. KJ came home from a sleepover.

22April Koren worked the 5-6:45a.m. shift at her class breakfast fundraiser and came home to watch kids since I had to work. I have to stay off ebay. I have to stay off ebay. I have to stay off ebay.

22April Kev did heroic pushmowing since he can't get rider running. listed books on amazon.

24April KJ got sick and missed Kev's trip to library (???) filling in front tooth. Kevin let Koren drive to Lineville for lawnmower gas. we all rode along. there is a sickly looking fox that roams side yard.

25April KEvin and KAte were doing chins ups on a tree! KJ feverish and droopy.

26April. KJ sent home with fever/sore throat from school. KAte puked at Kay's so picked her up. KJ has strep. he can go to concert tonite but stay home to rest tomorrow. damn battery died before KJ's solo. I'd just recharged it. it was my fave concert so far. he had a short solo. he did some dance #s. the kids had a blast.

27April2001 Koren hit in eye with volleyball and came home 4th hour. KJ still droppy. Koren, Brandi and Robt. into it pm. she was pissed. and ranting. (hmmm. where has she seen this behavior? I'm quite perplexed.)

28April. Koren to Cainsville prom. KAte and KJ had fun at Carnival. she lost a balloon in gym so I bought her another one that she lost outside. KJ won a cake!

29April. Kevin got riding mower going but A/C froze up. (this poor man.)

30April I thought I'd won the battle of the tiny ants. had to clean off kitchen windowsill and spray, spray again.

2May home from hernia surgery. sold my first amazon book! Kevin mailed it for me. my first hospital roommate was apparently dying from cancer, had the heat cranked up, lots of loud company. my 2nd roommate kept the window opened, waited on me, gave me the phone when Kevin called, and worried that they'd confuse our meds since our last names were Dailey and Bailey. she and her husband were RVing in from Branson home to Minnesota when she got sick and they stopped at Crossroads to call the ambulance. she got dismissed today, too. I was NPO last night until after Dr rounds, then got clear liquid supper and soft breakfast. Dr. Finneran put in a drain and I have to see Dr every 2 days to have it pulled out a little so it can heal from inside. 3 rips fixed. a nurse tried to give me a catheter last night, she was looking for Donna. was nasceous every time I got up so didn't go see BJ...who had exploratory stomach surgery. she stopped in to see me after she was released. she tried to come see me last night but her IV battery was dead so she had to stay plugged in. she had lesions growing from her c section scar removed. one was wrapped around her colon.

4May kevin got the boys (KJ and his friend John whose mom doesn't drive and who lives down a long dirt road that time forgot) to bus for zoo trip. I sent him extra food, sunblock, a mail in camera, and money. to Dr. he showed me how to pull out drain and secure with a safety pin. every day. they're thinking the cellulitis last surgery kept me from healing good and led to these hernias....(sigh. I was told it was because I was fat at one point.)

5MAy drain fell out. (oh God.) KEvin made homemade meatloaf for supper.

6May to Mom and DAd's for mushrooms. KJ had fun giving Dad a Pokemon quiz. (dad was always a good sport and he loved all kids, especially his grandkids.) Koren and KAte's bathtime is going well. Kate can squish in chair next to me for bottles. her and KEvin and KJ were playing LR baseball with a soft ball (assuming I meant like a nerf ball and not an actual soft ball?) and a wooden spoon and a pool dive stick.

7May KJ to dentist. no cavaties. has 4 permanent teeth that have no room to come in. he will need braces later on. have earned $28.05 on amazon. (on this leave I sold enough books to about equal my paycheck.) carrides and laxatives don't mix.

8May went to get stitches out. not healed good enough. return next week. ate breakfast in parking lot since we got to appt early. put some of my sunny d in kate's cup and didn't get lid on good, she was drenched in o.j. the whole awards ceremony was kind of disappointing. Kj seems happy with his Bear Badge.

9May KEvin had to run Koren to school early for her FBLA field trip. Bulldozer woke me up at city park. (as in Bull dozer was at city park. I am sure I was in the recliner.) Kj says he hurt his foot last night, it hurts to walk on it so I can't make him go to school. Kj is walking on his heel. Kate had to get dressed to see bulldozer and then undressed for a shower. dr. can't see KJ till 2. KEvin had to go to work and when is he supposed to sleep? KJ 90lb. Kevin weight KAte at 42.5.

10May KAte doesn't want to go to Kay's. the look she gave me when Dad picked her up at the end of the porch made me cry. KJ has flat feet. Dr thought he's sprained muscle in arch of foot, gave him 4 days of Vioxx, no running and if no improvement go back. I slept all day. Kevin overslept. we had an O.D.

11MAy couldn't find KJ's vioxx to give him at 5:30a.m. before we took him to get on bus. when it was time for Kay's, KAtie cried and said she wanted to stay home all day. stomach hurts. did some walking. incision redder and oozing. great.

12May deposited $6 + change in Kj's savings, he's up to $74.50.

Mothers Day. KJ made me a card and coupon book at school. Koren and KAtie emailed me a Blue Mtn. Card.

the end.

dear diary starts 18 MArch 2001

18March2001 KAtie up at 4 a.m. I fixed arm on her baby doll. glued and taped the pumpkin KJ dismantled (???) that damn white cat was crashing around in garage again last night. (garage cement floor heaved, door wouldn't shut, always had critters in garage. ugh)

20MArch Cub Scout meeting here. they worked on knots. Kevin went to the Adult Scout meeting. he tried to drain water from basement, said water is up to bottom step and there are dead cats floating around down there (no wonder the kids were always sick, eh? hard to look at our now basement and remember how awful it was once up on a time.) he fixed the head on Katie's doll, too.

21MArch KJ note from school. 57 in Reading. 62 in Spelling. Krystle rocked Kate to sleep next door. Koren and Robert making cowboy wedding plans.

22MArch. Koren adn Robert will get married Sept. 2006 . he'll go to school to fix Harleys and dirt bikes and open a shop in the metal building next to Berndts. KAtie will be a flower girl. their first son will be named Robert. and Robert will buy her a Mustang. (of course, none of this happened....) KJ got sick right after Kevin dropped him off at school. Ashley called Kay's where he was dropping off KAte, he picked him up adn brought him home.

23MArch. Koren's old boyfriend JEff from Cainsville called looking for Koren and talked to KJ. she had to call someone to get his # since the one she had didn't work. his house burnt down and he's living with a friend, his mom and sister moved to Iowa and he spends weekends with them. He works at Bethany Hy-Vee. bus is supposed to run again tomorrow. KAte wanted Koren only. she definitely didn't want to go to Kay's. KJ has a headache after PE and forgot his math book at school.

24MArch. Koren and JAmie broke up and she's wanting to buy a $500 car. Koren popped in for fresh clothes and left. KAtie was inconsolable.

25May Kate portrait appt. Sears. took the kids to Kay Bee toys. (we always did this in Des Moines back in the day. then they sadly closed that location.) KAte likes Grandma Marie. Koren's friends showed up while I was doing my exercise video. JEff invited Koren to prom the same weekend as FBLA State.

26MArch in car I asked the kids how their days went, KAte said "I don't know, Mom, how was your day?" and KJ said 'she had to work so she'll say it sucked.'.

28MArch. KJ's tennis shoes are too small, which means his gym shoes are also too small, and we just drove past a Payless Sunday...now back to town to get shoes for diaper derby.

29March. Diaper Derby. KJ got hold of the ball and dribbled but was upset his team lost. Kate went potty at school! and of course had to give The Torrey Boys a ride.

30MArch KAtie and I walked up to our stop sign and sang and stomped in the mud after we practiced baseball with Bubba. looks like she has pinkeye. found some leftover drops till I can get her to dr. PSF announced they were closing to the public because of hoof and mouth disease. heard today on radio that a packing plant in North Carolina had sent a hog to be tested for hoof and mouth. this is scary to a pig farmer who lives paycheck to paycheck. (so many diseases over the years....TGE. PRRS. Delta Corona. PEDV. and the lawsuits over environmental episodes. the going bankrupt. getting absorbed by other companies. very stressful times.) KJ 56 1/4".

31MArch. Kate's eye about swollen shut. overdrawn. made a big basket of porch toys, moved out her bike and tractor, and a lawn chair. this is now our outdoor living room. (we did this every summer for years. perfect spot to sit and watch the kids play on the swingset we once had in front yard.)

1April drug out BB hoop. KJ appetite off.

2April. KAte 39lb 36". eye gtts. I got amoxil for sinus infection and have another hernia. (how many of these fuckers did I have over the years? 6, I think.) KJ went next door to play baseball. KAte napped. Koren went 4 wheelin'. gave KAte Benadryl and she puked.

4April KJ 88lb 54 3/4" at school health fair. 90/56. Koren 5'6 1/2' 144 lb

5April Kate to Dr sinus & ear infection. he said her eye was infection, NOT pinkeye. she chews on rocks cause she's anemic. iron gtts for 3 months, then retest. thunderstorm with marble sized hail. Larissa, Tina, Ashley, Brandi, Koren, Jordan, Brandi's mom and Jenni into it in front yard. Linda got them to an uneasy truce. I just went back in the house. Koren went 4 wheelin' with Bob. KJ spent nite with friends, called at 8:30 with stomach ache so picked him up. Sears called, Kate's portraits can't be printed, take her back next weekend.

7April Koren drove to Princeton and back and went to Princeton Easter Egg Hunt with me and KAtie. she picked out Easter toys from the toy corner at Ragan's. yeah, she made her own Easter basket! KJ sunburned, sore throat,cough, but had those boys over to spend the night. Katie stuck a baby wipe in the CD ROM.

8April. Koren, KAte, & I to Hannah's first birthday party. Kate fell and skinned her knee in their driveway. Koren drove there and back.

9April KJ to Dr. (these kids were always going to the dr. man.) Amoxil andcough Rx,cold RX, said some of the problem might be his teeth. 89 1/4lb. Koren won MAth Award #2. $186.00.

11April. Koren put $ in her savings, and paid off her Green Cow charges and class fines.

12April. saw a loot of God's little creatures driving back to work in the dark to replace THREE G Barn sensors. Kate started puking as soon as I left for work, so he called me and I can home by 11 so he could catch a couple hours sleep. (how the fuck did we live like this?)

13AprilFriday Katie puking first thing in morning, started the nasty green Rx again. Kate and I walked up the road and held hands and sang and played kick the basketball. Derek over to play with KJ.

14April Koren drove to Humeston and we changed seats. Kate wasn't in the mood but was all smiles blowing the dog off the photographers head (these pics were just adorable. truth.) Koren drove home from Indianola.

15April Kevin woke me up when he got home pissed because he caught Robert adn Jordan walking down the road . I fell asleep. they were watching movies.

Dear Diary. starts 14Feb2001 (my modern day notes are in parenthesis. deb)

14Feb2001 Date Day. Snoball off chain. school got out 8:45 a.m. weather. KJ fell in front of garage. Kevin tried to put old LR light into DR since that light rope broke, but screw holes don't line up. braved freezing rain (which seems a bit foolhardy when you have 3 kids) for a date nite at Toot Toots.

15Feb. Family Reading Night. Kate spit out antibiotic p.m. and hit me in face with her water bottle. you can feel the love.

17 Feb car freezes in gear now takes 10-15 minutes before it'll move and E brake is broke so have to park in gear. getting close to bedtime Katie peed in lazyboy, on the couch, and on KJ's fave blanket she'd drug into kitchen. love potty training.

Koren just found out that November 2 is All Souls Day. cool.

19Feb2001 H&R Block. Kate hit KJ in head with the ladder from the doll bunkbed.

20FEb KEvin to knee specialist Kirksville. Boy Scout meeting. fixed tube in road. Kevin fixed DR light.

21Feb The Torrey Boys have already invited themselves over for the weekend. this really makes me dread my weekends off. Koren appt. at Shear Shop. Kate made a picnic with the sheets of paper from the OTC box adn then pointed overhead and said "Look-a quacky bird" like on Dragon Tales.

22FEb Kate puked on Kevin 2x a.m. and stayed home from Kay's. she finished antibiotic. her rash is worse. Koren modeled her Homecoming Dress for us. KJ did his homework alone.

23Feb I fell asleep after alarm went off and was later than usual to work. KJ's class won Spirit Award at Homecoming. Koren and Ash got ready for dance here. Kevin fell on ice in driveway and hit his knee. I hid Pop Tarts and Pepsi in Koren's closet before the weekend company arrived. Katie went to Homecoming Pep Rally with Kay's Kids.

24FEb KATe up most of night with fever and uncomfortable, then the puking commenced. She is glassy eyed and red cheeked and pukes every time I give her Motrin or cough Rx. she can keep down room temp Pepsi. (which was given to Koren after one of her childhood surgeries as a fever reducer). she's very snuggly. Koren called for ride home and I'd left lights on in car, battery dead, so Ash's parents brought her home. I can't help but think Katie would feel better if our company would go home.

25Feb our guests coughed loudly all night and we up and talking loudly while Kevin was trying to sleep. (he works night shift. as in 6 p.m.-6 a.m.) Katie still puking. she now says 'puking'. Kevin to Lije's to move in furniture and "tour the trailer".

26FEb Kevin took Katie to Dr. (note: he runs the day shift. I work all day. I run the night shift. he works all night.)Vantin 2 rounds, give her full dose of cough Rx and mix Benadryl powder with lotion and apply to wet skin for rash and increase allergy Rx to both kids. KJ on Singular now, too. Kate's lungs clear, just sinus stuff. tylenol suppository for fever. Showering out at work I was thinking that I'll give Koren my copy of GAP CREEK as a wedding gift with an inscription 'they say the first year is always the worst- love, Mom.'(didn't do this. do not have this book now. I often purge books.)

27Feb cancelled school. Kj bawled himself to sleep last night because his friends can't sleep over on his birthday. Now I feel super guilty. (hmm. what is this about? the kids always had HUGE sleepovers for their birthdays....) Kevin has signed up for 6 extra days in the next 3 weeks.

27 FEb. no school.

28Feb Rhonda next door asked if she could give away our feral cats that hang out at her house....she caught 5 and got rid of them including Kate's favorite big black cat with the bad paw. (don't remember this cat.) Kate puked after I gave her medicine. I spilled the next dose all over her. she was screaming for her 2nd bath of the day so let her have one. then she started screaming and KJ was yelling at her, I was yelling at KJ...(sigh)

1March Katie was still acting sick morning, so Kevin kept her home, I left work at 11 so he could grab a nap before work. The Digamon game I made for KJ's party didn't turn out like I wanted and I was grumbly, KAte kept saying 'it looks good, Mom, I like it.' and other reassuring things.

3MArch last night did the cake, blew up balloons, hung up streams and cleaned. moderated sibling disagreements . Kate is as excited as KJ about his birthday party.

Mother Nature A History of Mothers, Infants, and Natural Selection Mothers have worked for as long as our species has existed, and they have depended on others to help them rear their children. working mothers feel more ambivalence than mothers who stay home with their children. the sensory and cognitive makeup of modern infants, the panic they still feel at seperation, is distilled from innumerable past lives in which the infants most likely to survive were those who could prevent seperation from their mothers. for mothers and infants the biggest clash between ancient predispositions and modern lifestyle is the physical seperation required by modern work places. mothers find it stressful to go off to work and leave their infants behind. babies find it even more so. an awareness of our primate heritage carries with it a warning to women of good sense to keep an eye on their calenders. ovulation can be hazardous to your judgement.

5March KJ told Katie to quit copying him. she told him to go in the kitchen and wash his face.

6March specialist told Kevin tendonitis and renewed arthritis Rx. KJ talking about killing himself pm. he has nothing to live for and Dad hates him and Koren hates him and says he's a wuss cause he can't sleep in his room. Ashley even talked to him on the phone to try and cheer him up. (dear God. this is scary.)

7March. went to championship BB game Chillicothe. Katie made friends with some little girl.

8MArch. my exercise video stuck in VCR . Kj did get it out, it's toast. (yeah. I used to exercise. a couple of walking ones. Idrea someone.) KJ got all his mullet cut off. it's his hair, but I'm sad. baked Kj another birthday cake.

9March. gave KJ a birthday pop tart with a lit candle and let him pick out 1 present to open before I went to work.

The Better Angel Walt Whitman In The Civil War diarrhea affected 54% Union soldiers, 99% Confederate. eventually claimed nearly 100,000. thousands suffered from chronic diarrhea the rest of their lives. Civil War Drs were apt to prescribe a bewildering and generally ineffective array of drugs at the first sign of an illness. and bleeding, cupping, leeching, binding and chafing, flannel belly bands. calomel administered in massive doses for virtually every disease. and it didn't take much calomel to induce chronic mercury poisoning with horrorific short term and insidious long term effects.

11March. Kate & I fell asleep in chair. I woke up at 6:30 and went to work. why didn't my alarm go off???

13March KJ told Koren he wants to work at Pizza Hut when he grows up, and if they fire him, he'll work in a barn.

13MArch KAte is feeling 100% better. rash almost gone. Koren off to FBLA word processing contest. Post mistress came by last night with a stack of mail and books. she'd forgotten to put a pick up at post office slip in our mailbox so just delivered it. Koren wants to be a Coyote Ugly type bartender. she won 3rd place! KJ came home crying off the bus because he got 86% on his science test. then he couldn't find his new VHS and tore the house apart.

15March. PT Conference. Kj will start typing all homework. teacher can't read his writing. Koren got 100% on that constitution test she was in tears over.

16MArch. Kevin called 6:30a.m. from Willis, he barely made it there from Lucerne, waiting on Larry to get him Blazer keys, then he'll come get me and take me to work. no one answering at barn, called JCI to tell them I'd be late. Kevin decided the roads were too bad, he'd help me feed and bring me home but we of course were there till 2:30 so he didn't get any sleep. I fell on front porch in shorts and hiking boots taking out trash skinned up elbow. and I'm the adult in charge.

17 March that woman called, her boys want picked up to spend the weekend. I told her no, the roads were bad and I wasn't getting out. some people have nerve. 51 degrees and snow up to the top of gumboots. Kids all coughing and sneezing and watery eyes. and this is ON ALLERGY RX. KAte had fun when Dr KJ gave her a checkup but he didn't play long enough and then she was sad.

memories.....I was a shy kid on the bus envying all those town kids walking home. I had to go home and do chores. I practiced pom pom routines with my shadow on front of barn. wished on every first star for a boyfriend. kicking my feet on the petrified wood in the barn when I couldn't feel my toes anymore in winter. digging my gumboots out of the nasty slime in pig pen when they got sucked off my feet. sitting on the stone wall in front of the high school so I could get a glimpse of Kevin going by on Vo Tech Bus. my heart would leap when he waved at me. I craved him so bad then.

Dear Diary. starts Jan 28 2001.

snow. slick. called my strong handsome hero to pick me up from work in the Blazer. computer won't connect. can't check email. finally did connect and guess what? no email.

29Jan Kevin was taking shots at his wild turkey from the back porch. he and Katie were target practicing on coyotes the other day.

31Jan KJ had the only 100% on the science test AND NO HOMEWORK!

1FEb. had to put blanket in front of LR door to cut down on draft.

2Feb Day 12 Exaustion has set in. dozing in chair and growling at kids. Koren to Tina's.

3FEb. The Torrey Boys are coming for the wekend. their mom gave me money to bring her home groceries when I bring the boys back. she doesn't drive. had a sweeper demo from a cold phone call, but when they got here we both had to watch it, and Kevin was asleep, so they left and didn't clean my carpet. got an overdraw in mail. (those days sucked. by the time you realized you were overdrawn, you were in big bad trouble.) now Kj has ANOTHER friend spending the night in addition to the 2 we already had. I'm thinking it can't get any worse. Katie climbs up on the bed and peed on my side. so it's 8p.m. and I'm stripping the bed. drank another pepsi and got a grip. Kate pooped in the potty hugging her Shop-n-bop baby telling her 'sorry you can't go in KJ's room, sweetie. they'll make you cry.' had a 3rd pepsi and then watched SNL. (2022 update. on a good day I only drink 3 pepsis now.)

4Feb. there was a cold pepsi on garage floor so I drank it. you know your kids friends have stayed too damn long when you don't want to just take them home---you want to take them out to the woods and get rid off them and tell their moms they ran away and then they'll never ever spend the night at your house again. Kate made a kind of Stone Henge thing with my bag of potatoes and wanted to sit in a real chair at McDonalds and picked up her HB like a pro.

6Feb Kevin went to work at Lije's as soon as I got home. I picked up boys for Scouts and Kevin was at the church when we got there. Lije is getting the ground readyu to move that doublewide.

8Feb took girls to Larissa's. KJ refused to go. we were gone about an hour and it got dark and I felt real shitty. he has a backache. KAtie is hoarse, c/o throat pain.

9Feb the ice hit. no school. Koren is at a friends so Katie gets to help Daddy drive Mommy to and from work on icy slick roads. I gave KJ a big hug and he was crying that I hurt his bac and he needs to see Dr. Alyssa. Kevin has a headache he can't get rid of. and I just need a long fucking nap. the electric went out about midnight when we'd just settled down to rock. Kate gave me her bottle, hid under the blankets, clung to me and quivered. she fell asleep that way. everytime the elect came back on I thought I should get up and put her to bed and electric would go off again. I never did get up and light a candle and call Grundy Electric but somebody else apparently did.

11FEb. Katie's cold worse. KJ is bawling because his Rugrats game keeps locking up computer. the world is icy and frozen.

12FEb Kevin tired to get Katie dr. appt but it was only the PA we don't like available so no. KJ brought home a note about Valentines' Day Box contest. I scrubbed bathroom ceiling with bleach water.

13FEb Katie up 3 a.m. coughing, puking, congested. Bronchitis? Kevin took her to Dr . ear infection. and sinus infection. and bronchitis.