what the hell is going on?

I can only remember a handful of times I have left work early because I was sick. add today to the list. Roni told me to leave. I should've left. I worked yesterday with projectile diarrhea and felt better than I did today. vicious side pain. (rib out? appendix on the fritz?) feverish. chills. feel weak and dizzy. (migraine? hot flash? malaria? insanity? )vague sense of uneasiness. (heart attack?) I was having trouble walking. I insisted on helping move animals, then slowly limped to the shower. came home and crashed on the couch. and felt normal when I woke up. (exhaustion? the knowledge that I am on day 4 of 19?) Katie & Kevin both wondered why I was home. I kinda wondered, too. Am I just a big pansy? Then Kevin was reading jobs at the nursing home aloud to me. I know that if I ever feel in a position to make less $$$, that's where I'm headed. no more walking risers. no more dragging dead sows. no more million days in a row. hey, they have heat and a/c.

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i aspire to great things, but don't do anything to get there...